The hipsters are forever playing with their beards, stroking them, taking pictures of them, and defending the righteousness of Beard World as if they're the first to discover the hirsute pride of testosterone.
Old people know the one thing you know for sure about a beard is
...
the Ultimate Beard Truth is ...
eventually you will shave it back off again as maybe 99% of them will do that rather than keep the beard for life.
Note: my ol' Dad did not and he had a beard for his entire life. Very few will put up with the hassle, tho.
The trouble with shaving the beard back off again is eventually you forget what a flaming bitch it was to remove the last beard and, what do you know, you stop shaving again because you hate it as much as you always did, you put up with the infernal itching, and there's that damn beard again.
The beard will sit there, resting on your face and waiting. It mocks your vanity in keeping it. It laughs every time you fiddle with your mustache while you think about something. It laughs even harder when you catch yourself doing that fiddling and you feel foolish about it.
Eventually you will forget it costs sixteen dollars for a package of razor blades and of course you use the blade because only sissies use electric razors. You can be a man about it or you can be an obsequious li'l poof as the latter will always use an electric razor. We go with the man approach even though we have to paint our backsides blue for parties.
Note: "Braveheart" - so you think you're a bad-ass for using a razor, do you, young Highland Warrior?? Um, how do you think William Wallace shaved, Kilt Boy??
(Ed: hunting knife?)
Prob'ly so, Young Barbarian.
(Ed: are you supporting or mocking the title of this article?)
If that's not clear then I've done a crap job of it, haven't I.
Beards struck me because there's yet another article in "The Guardian" with some bearded hipster explaining beards to us. They're so precious about it and we thought it was funny. The proverb is something a friend quoted a while ago and, unlike the hipster's beard, it doesn't need explanation.
Whether the old person is a big library or a small one depends on whether you listened to Constantine Cavafy in "Ithaka" and here you go:
Ithaka - The Canon
Old people know the one thing you know for sure about a beard is
...
the Ultimate Beard Truth is ...
eventually you will shave it back off again as maybe 99% of them will do that rather than keep the beard for life.
Note: my ol' Dad did not and he had a beard for his entire life. Very few will put up with the hassle, tho.
The trouble with shaving the beard back off again is eventually you forget what a flaming bitch it was to remove the last beard and, what do you know, you stop shaving again because you hate it as much as you always did, you put up with the infernal itching, and there's that damn beard again.
The beard will sit there, resting on your face and waiting. It mocks your vanity in keeping it. It laughs every time you fiddle with your mustache while you think about something. It laughs even harder when you catch yourself doing that fiddling and you feel foolish about it.
Eventually you will forget it costs sixteen dollars for a package of razor blades and of course you use the blade because only sissies use electric razors. You can be a man about it or you can be an obsequious li'l poof as the latter will always use an electric razor. We go with the man approach even though we have to paint our backsides blue for parties.
Note: "Braveheart" - so you think you're a bad-ass for using a razor, do you, young Highland Warrior?? Um, how do you think William Wallace shaved, Kilt Boy??
(Ed: hunting knife?)
Prob'ly so, Young Barbarian.
(Ed: are you supporting or mocking the title of this article?)
If that's not clear then I've done a crap job of it, haven't I.
Beards struck me because there's yet another article in "The Guardian" with some bearded hipster explaining beards to us. They're so precious about it and we thought it was funny. The proverb is something a friend quoted a while ago and, unlike the hipster's beard, it doesn't need explanation.
Whether the old person is a big library or a small one depends on whether you listened to Constantine Cavafy in "Ithaka" and here you go:
As you set out for Ithaka
hope the voyage is a long one,
full of adventure, full of discovery.
Laistrygonians and Cyclops,
angry Poseidon—don’t be afraid of them:
you’ll never find things like that on your way
as long as you keep your thoughts raised high,
as long as a rare excitement
stirs your spirit and your body.
Laistrygonians and Cyclops,
wild Poseidon—you won’t encounter them
unless you bring them along inside your soul,
unless your soul sets them up in front of you.
Hope the voyage is a long one.
May there be many a summer morning when,
with what pleasure, what joy,
you come into harbors seen for the first time;
may you stop at Phoenician trading stations
to buy fine things,
mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
sensual perfume of every kind—
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
and may you visit many Egyptian cities
to gather stores of knowledge from their scholars.
Keep Ithaka always in your mind.
Arriving there is what you are destined for.
But do not hurry the journey at all.
Better if it lasts for years,
so you are old by the time you reach the island,
wealthy with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting Ithaka to make you rich.
Ithaka gave you the marvelous journey.
Without her you would not have set out.
She has nothing left to give you now.
And if you find her poor, Ithaka won’t have fooled you.
Wise as you will have become, so full of experience,
you will have understood by then what these Ithakas mean.
hope the voyage is a long one,
full of adventure, full of discovery.
Laistrygonians and Cyclops,
angry Poseidon—don’t be afraid of them:
you’ll never find things like that on your way
as long as you keep your thoughts raised high,
as long as a rare excitement
stirs your spirit and your body.
Laistrygonians and Cyclops,
wild Poseidon—you won’t encounter them
unless you bring them along inside your soul,
unless your soul sets them up in front of you.
Hope the voyage is a long one.
May there be many a summer morning when,
with what pleasure, what joy,
you come into harbors seen for the first time;
may you stop at Phoenician trading stations
to buy fine things,
mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
sensual perfume of every kind—
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
and may you visit many Egyptian cities
to gather stores of knowledge from their scholars.
Keep Ithaka always in your mind.
Arriving there is what you are destined for.
But do not hurry the journey at all.
Better if it lasts for years,
so you are old by the time you reach the island,
wealthy with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting Ithaka to make you rich.
Ithaka gave you the marvelous journey.
Without her you would not have set out.
She has nothing left to give you now.
And if you find her poor, Ithaka won’t have fooled you.
Wise as you will have become, so full of experience,
you will have understood by then what these Ithakas mean.
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