The political candidates only give us their sexiest li'l soundbites along with a sexy profile shot of the candidate in regal repose.
Since they want to be judged on appearance, let's fookin' do that.
We'll go with winners first as we don't want to see the trout who wash out of it anyway.
(Ed: why not?)
They're ugly. Even God don't like ugly.
So, the winners are
(drum roll)
Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders
Maybe you dispute these choices as Bernie Sanders best exemplifies the Mad Scientist from "Back to the Future" and Elizabeth Warren is an attractive woman who exemplifies that wholesome New England purity.
Don't be so limiting, Dagwood.
Imagine Bernie Sanders with a pair of Raybans and his wizard robe. Still want to screw with him, do you?
Now imagine Vamp Elizabeth. Screw that New England purity, let's make a slut out of her and now we shall see who she scares.
If those two did that, they wouldn't need the Presidency as they could rule Hollywood as the True Rulers of the Galaxy who shall be restored by the Guardians of the Galaxy ... but preferably without the BJ Thomas music this time.
Regrettably, there are no runners-up as few in the current crop of political candidates has run anywhere in twenty years or so. This is the frumpiest bunch of dejected Dagwoods we have ever seen.
Most of them we can roll together in one high-calorie, high-cholesterol orgasm of American faticide with Donald Trump as the reigning symbol of the donut Dagwoods. He's as manly as any lump of uncooked bread dough we ever saw. Same with Jeb Bush as how in hell did either of them ever get laid except for their money. Maybe they have always had too much money. And Huckabee ... whew ... if not for religion, he would be a virgin yet.
Some of them aren't ready for the political glue factory yet. Santorum, Cruz, and Rubio come into this rank but all of them are plastic Boy Scouts and the only question they ever raise in anyone is how many times they got buggered in summer camp. We're guessing quite a lot.
Fiorina is in her own category as she looks like the product from the Pink Floyd sausage machine in The Wall. Frankly, we don't know what it is. Could be a silicone android.
Ah, one more as there is Carson and he is the King Dagwood even though he is a relatively good-looking older man. Crazy overrides pretty every time and this one is also the King Looney.
Since they want to be judged on appearance, let's fookin' do that.
We'll go with winners first as we don't want to see the trout who wash out of it anyway.
(Ed: why not?)
They're ugly. Even God don't like ugly.
So, the winners are
(drum roll)
Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders
Maybe you dispute these choices as Bernie Sanders best exemplifies the Mad Scientist from "Back to the Future" and Elizabeth Warren is an attractive woman who exemplifies that wholesome New England purity.
Don't be so limiting, Dagwood.
Imagine Bernie Sanders with a pair of Raybans and his wizard robe. Still want to screw with him, do you?
Now imagine Vamp Elizabeth. Screw that New England purity, let's make a slut out of her and now we shall see who she scares.
If those two did that, they wouldn't need the Presidency as they could rule Hollywood as the True Rulers of the Galaxy who shall be restored by the Guardians of the Galaxy ... but preferably without the BJ Thomas music this time.
Regrettably, there are no runners-up as few in the current crop of political candidates has run anywhere in twenty years or so. This is the frumpiest bunch of dejected Dagwoods we have ever seen.
Most of them we can roll together in one high-calorie, high-cholesterol orgasm of American faticide with Donald Trump as the reigning symbol of the donut Dagwoods. He's as manly as any lump of uncooked bread dough we ever saw. Same with Jeb Bush as how in hell did either of them ever get laid except for their money. Maybe they have always had too much money. And Huckabee ... whew ... if not for religion, he would be a virgin yet.
Some of them aren't ready for the political glue factory yet. Santorum, Cruz, and Rubio come into this rank but all of them are plastic Boy Scouts and the only question they ever raise in anyone is how many times they got buggered in summer camp. We're guessing quite a lot.
Fiorina is in her own category as she looks like the product from the Pink Floyd sausage machine in The Wall. Frankly, we don't know what it is. Could be a silicone android.
Ah, one more as there is Carson and he is the King Dagwood even though he is a relatively good-looking older man. Crazy overrides pretty every time and this one is also the King Looney.
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