The finest chili in the civilized world is Skyline Chili. How it came to be made in America is an ongoing mystery but the fact remains it can only be found in Cincinnati, Ohio.
Everywhere people from Cincinnati go, they invariably whine incessantly about the quality or, more likely, the absence of any quality in local types of chili. They fail to include the cinnamon, the chocolate and ... I can't go on. It's such callous barbarism.
And so it is with Wolf Brand Chili which they claim is authentic Texas chili. They cook it with the kidney beans already in it. What vile heresy is this to do such a beastly thing. Everyone knows the beans are prepared separately and added after rather than during. It's not clear how this ghastly concept arose but it remains prevalent in Texas, home of the dead worst chili anywhere in any world.
Some have said Texas chili is nothing more than gustatorial vandalism. Those who have tried it typically don't have an opinion as most do not survive.
So, the problem to solve is what happens if Wolf Brand Chili is presented in Skyline Chili manner (i.e. the only civilized way to present chili) because this, as any true aficionado can surely attest, is the only way chili should ever be presented.
There should be a layer of pasta and specifically spaghetti, it must not be linguini, fettuccini, or something else you may consider madly creative. Spaghetti. Spaghetti only.
The pasta must be prepared correctly and it must be appropriately tender but must not be over-cooked to the flaccidity of a golfer without his Viagra.
Over the layer of pasta is lovingly ladled a layer of chili. Typically over that one adds a layer of beans except these pagan vandals here in Texas have already put the beans in the chili. In the chili, mind you. Who would ever do such a thing!
(Ed: pagans, idolators, heretics)
Verily, it is so.
Over the layer of beans which can't be there because the heathen Texans put the beans in the chili will go a layer of grated onions. This is vital for the overall ambience, the layer of freshly-grated onions is required.
Completing the piece is a layer of grated cheddar cheese added to the top. Tabasco sauce may be used for taste but don't be a fool with it or people will think you're a cowboy and we're quite sure you don't want that. Don't worry too much as they're not gay, at least not all of them.
After completing the masterpiece will it be revealed to be at least a shabby substitute for Skyline Chili or will it fall into even deeper disgrace as it is revealed Texas chili cannot be used for anything except caulking around sinks and toilets.
It's conceivable this will be discovered later this evening.
Everywhere people from Cincinnati go, they invariably whine incessantly about the quality or, more likely, the absence of any quality in local types of chili. They fail to include the cinnamon, the chocolate and ... I can't go on. It's such callous barbarism.
And so it is with Wolf Brand Chili which they claim is authentic Texas chili. They cook it with the kidney beans already in it. What vile heresy is this to do such a beastly thing. Everyone knows the beans are prepared separately and added after rather than during. It's not clear how this ghastly concept arose but it remains prevalent in Texas, home of the dead worst chili anywhere in any world.
Some have said Texas chili is nothing more than gustatorial vandalism. Those who have tried it typically don't have an opinion as most do not survive.
So, the problem to solve is what happens if Wolf Brand Chili is presented in Skyline Chili manner (i.e. the only civilized way to present chili) because this, as any true aficionado can surely attest, is the only way chili should ever be presented.
There should be a layer of pasta and specifically spaghetti, it must not be linguini, fettuccini, or something else you may consider madly creative. Spaghetti. Spaghetti only.
The pasta must be prepared correctly and it must be appropriately tender but must not be over-cooked to the flaccidity of a golfer without his Viagra.
Over the layer of pasta is lovingly ladled a layer of chili. Typically over that one adds a layer of beans except these pagan vandals here in Texas have already put the beans in the chili. In the chili, mind you. Who would ever do such a thing!
(Ed: pagans, idolators, heretics)
Verily, it is so.
Over the layer of beans which can't be there because the heathen Texans put the beans in the chili will go a layer of grated onions. This is vital for the overall ambience, the layer of freshly-grated onions is required.
Completing the piece is a layer of grated cheddar cheese added to the top. Tabasco sauce may be used for taste but don't be a fool with it or people will think you're a cowboy and we're quite sure you don't want that. Don't worry too much as they're not gay, at least not all of them.
After completing the masterpiece will it be revealed to be at least a shabby substitute for Skyline Chili or will it fall into even deeper disgrace as it is revealed Texas chili cannot be used for anything except caulking around sinks and toilets.
It's conceivable this will be discovered later this evening.
1 comment:
Krogers carries Skyline Chili in all its stores all over the country. Both frozen and in cans
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