Herewith, the gentleman's advisory on avoiding pregnancy. The Daily Mail reports on a number of ways which are best to encourage pregnancy and these, therefore, are the ones to avoid. (Daily Mail: Revealed... the best sex positions to get pregnant - and it's best when he's on top, says fertility expert)
The article is straight-forward and maybe not surprising but the real treat is in the sleazy links on the right column. If you make it to the right column in the Mail, you're going to enjoy a lifetime of plastic surgery to stay there.
Looks like the verdict is spoons for when you want minimal chance of pregnancy. Unknown if it's really effective as maybe you're Johnny Rocket and she gets pregnant just waving it at her.
It seemed they thought the spoons were the worst way to get pregnant and that's great. Logically, I expect when you get gravity working for you like when she's a cowgirl, that should be the most difficult way to get pregnant but that doesn't appear to be so.
So, if you want to be at least a little bit sure of a non-starter, it looks like spoons are your best choice. Too bad there's not much clitoral contact so likely no orgasm for the lady. Oh well.
We're going to be hearing about Orgasm Equality Rights any day now.
(Ed: why?)
Because every other kind of right has already got someone protesting.
Who could miss the Grand Nipple Protest ... which went nowhere whatsoever. It was cool to watch Chelsea Handler ridiculing Kim Kardashian, tho. She was funny but the others were so self-adoring. Paparazzi would take pictures of the glorious nipples of various under-celebrities but newsfeeds would censor them so zero net nipples in the Grand Nipple Protest. Pitiful.
Nipple fear yet rampages, I'm afraid.
The Right Column in the Daily Mail has nothing to do with politics but rather all sorts of people you never knew existed and these are their picks for the 'pretty people' ... but they don't do anything particularly pretty. Mostly they seem to hang about and non-pretty people take pictures of them so other non-pretty people can look at them and think, ooh, I sure wish I were pretty too. If you wonder why women have such a shitty self-image, that Right Column will explain a lot.
The absolute most beautiful, mystical goddess from Olympus I ever saw in my life was not some floozy in the Right Column but rather she was walking, quite naked, across a beach at Virgin Gorda in the British Virgin Islands. She was the "10" view of Heaven and the island was deserted except for a man who sat higher up the beach and ... regarded the world with immense satisfaction. He saw me approach in my rented dinghy and I saw he had a little smile before I turned the boat away because impinging on their vibe would have been zero cool.
(Ed: your companion must have been thrilled by your reverence for "10")
She was a goddess and passing by without suitable reverence would have been a strike at every beautiful thing we have sought but have not found, for every mystery we have tried to solve but failed, and ...
(Ed: take it easy, Hambone)
She didn't react at all but rather continued walking with supreme, statuesque elegance. It's (sob) the story of my sad life.
Note: I was way over my head at Virgin Gorda because it's extremely expensive. It's also fantastically beautiful and this was the first place I saw schools of multi-color fish as I swam with them.
(Ed: All that expense for fish?)
No. The expense was for the pad overlooking Leverick Bay which contained the fish. The Bay has the most perfectly clear water I've ever seen and, snorkeling about, the bottom may be six meters or more down but you can see it easily. Right about that time you realize quite large creatures can also see quite easily and, in six meters of water, they have plenty of room to find you and eat you. Then you realize ... whoa ... the shore is half a kilometer or so back over there.
Note: there's a bit of apologetic about using metric measurements a lot but they make many things so much easier and, for me, more approachable. Metric only has a yard and parts of a yard but there is no foot so there's never any conversion from one unit to another. So, I find it easier. A meter is about a yard so that gives the conversion from metric to US.
The article is straight-forward and maybe not surprising but the real treat is in the sleazy links on the right column. If you make it to the right column in the Mail, you're going to enjoy a lifetime of plastic surgery to stay there.
Looks like the verdict is spoons for when you want minimal chance of pregnancy. Unknown if it's really effective as maybe you're Johnny Rocket and she gets pregnant just waving it at her.
It seemed they thought the spoons were the worst way to get pregnant and that's great. Logically, I expect when you get gravity working for you like when she's a cowgirl, that should be the most difficult way to get pregnant but that doesn't appear to be so.
So, if you want to be at least a little bit sure of a non-starter, it looks like spoons are your best choice. Too bad there's not much clitoral contact so likely no orgasm for the lady. Oh well.
We're going to be hearing about Orgasm Equality Rights any day now.
(Ed: why?)
Because every other kind of right has already got someone protesting.
Who could miss the Grand Nipple Protest ... which went nowhere whatsoever. It was cool to watch Chelsea Handler ridiculing Kim Kardashian, tho. She was funny but the others were so self-adoring. Paparazzi would take pictures of the glorious nipples of various under-celebrities but newsfeeds would censor them so zero net nipples in the Grand Nipple Protest. Pitiful.
Nipple fear yet rampages, I'm afraid.
The Right Column in the Daily Mail has nothing to do with politics but rather all sorts of people you never knew existed and these are their picks for the 'pretty people' ... but they don't do anything particularly pretty. Mostly they seem to hang about and non-pretty people take pictures of them so other non-pretty people can look at them and think, ooh, I sure wish I were pretty too. If you wonder why women have such a shitty self-image, that Right Column will explain a lot.
The absolute most beautiful, mystical goddess from Olympus I ever saw in my life was not some floozy in the Right Column but rather she was walking, quite naked, across a beach at Virgin Gorda in the British Virgin Islands. She was the "10" view of Heaven and the island was deserted except for a man who sat higher up the beach and ... regarded the world with immense satisfaction. He saw me approach in my rented dinghy and I saw he had a little smile before I turned the boat away because impinging on their vibe would have been zero cool.
(Ed: your companion must have been thrilled by your reverence for "10")
She was a goddess and passing by without suitable reverence would have been a strike at every beautiful thing we have sought but have not found, for every mystery we have tried to solve but failed, and ...
(Ed: take it easy, Hambone)
She didn't react at all but rather continued walking with supreme, statuesque elegance. It's (sob) the story of my sad life.
Note: I was way over my head at Virgin Gorda because it's extremely expensive. It's also fantastically beautiful and this was the first place I saw schools of multi-color fish as I swam with them.
(Ed: All that expense for fish?)
No. The expense was for the pad overlooking Leverick Bay which contained the fish. The Bay has the most perfectly clear water I've ever seen and, snorkeling about, the bottom may be six meters or more down but you can see it easily. Right about that time you realize quite large creatures can also see quite easily and, in six meters of water, they have plenty of room to find you and eat you. Then you realize ... whoa ... the shore is half a kilometer or so back over there.
Note: there's a bit of apologetic about using metric measurements a lot but they make many things so much easier and, for me, more approachable. Metric only has a yard and parts of a yard but there is no foot so there's never any conversion from one unit to another. So, I find it easier. A meter is about a yard so that gives the conversion from metric to US.
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