Ever since introduction of the guillotine in Georgia as the current default method of execution, CNN has been lobbying with the broadcast company for exclusive rights to carry television coverage. Naturally Georgia chose this method first because there's a desperate need to somehow top Texas. Georgia met the Texas Challenge and has executed a woman, just like Texas, so the logical and inevitable next move is to make it photogenic and put it on television.
So the whiny perp calls up her mother and sez, all kinda weepy, 'Mom, I got some good news and some bad news. First, the good news. I'm gonna be on TV.'
So I talks with the director and he tells me, we got to make it sexy. We gots to make it a happenin' thing. You get me?
He sees me nod my head and then he sez, we call it America Deals with the Harsh Reality of Capital Punishment. You know, call it what you like. The public won't come back until we treat capital punishment like NASCAR. Give them crashes and they will come.
Then he sez, lethal injection is worthless for broadcast and that's why CNN did not elect to purchase the TV rights the first time Georgia tried to sell them. See, the perp gets dead by going to sleep, sometimes taking up to an hour and a half to do so (e.g. Arizona). Unless you get lucky and get a botched execution, your viewers ain't comin' back, see. That's boring. Bad television.
Then he almost weeps as he sez, The Guillotine.
I am reborn, he sez.
For a minute he buries his head in his hands and sez repeatedly, Oh God, it's all so beautiful.
He doesn't stop and next he sez, here's what you do. Put an action cam on the perp's head. That way we will get all the action when they chop off his head and it bounces into the basket.
Listen to me, kid, he sez. We will make millions on this, billions. Billions!
See, we go with the close-up on the perp from the No. 3 camera so we can watch the walk up to the Guillotine. Then we cut to the No. 2 after the perp has his head in the contraption and they're almost ready to chop it. We want to see those pre-death eyes and see if he sweats. Oh, man, I love this.
Hold it, hold it. He practically screams when he sez, we need three more cams for the walk up to the Guillo. Maybe he tries to cut and run so they shoot him. We don't want to miss that.
I not to agree as, of course, we don't want to miss that.
Practically ranting he sez will have special audio on each side of the Guillo so we can get high-resolution audio of that blade sliding down from the top and when it goes, CHUNK, and chops off the perp's head. Man, if he makes any little noise, we will hear it. This is all so great. I love it. I love it!
What do you think for music he asks me. I suggested the Bay City Rollers but he didn't like that much. He's thinking more along a Tarantino theme and wants to go with surf rock. We hope he doesn't mean "Surfer Girl."
Note: the song is awful but the Surfer Girls ... whew.
So the whiny perp calls up her mother and sez, all kinda weepy, 'Mom, I got some good news and some bad news. First, the good news. I'm gonna be on TV.'
So I talks with the director and he tells me, we got to make it sexy. We gots to make it a happenin' thing. You get me?
He sees me nod my head and then he sez, we call it America Deals with the Harsh Reality of Capital Punishment. You know, call it what you like. The public won't come back until we treat capital punishment like NASCAR. Give them crashes and they will come.
Then he sez, lethal injection is worthless for broadcast and that's why CNN did not elect to purchase the TV rights the first time Georgia tried to sell them. See, the perp gets dead by going to sleep, sometimes taking up to an hour and a half to do so (e.g. Arizona). Unless you get lucky and get a botched execution, your viewers ain't comin' back, see. That's boring. Bad television.
Then he almost weeps as he sez, The Guillotine.
I am reborn, he sez.
For a minute he buries his head in his hands and sez repeatedly, Oh God, it's all so beautiful.
He doesn't stop and next he sez, here's what you do. Put an action cam on the perp's head. That way we will get all the action when they chop off his head and it bounces into the basket.
Listen to me, kid, he sez. We will make millions on this, billions. Billions!
See, we go with the close-up on the perp from the No. 3 camera so we can watch the walk up to the Guillotine. Then we cut to the No. 2 after the perp has his head in the contraption and they're almost ready to chop it. We want to see those pre-death eyes and see if he sweats. Oh, man, I love this.
Hold it, hold it. He practically screams when he sez, we need three more cams for the walk up to the Guillo. Maybe he tries to cut and run so they shoot him. We don't want to miss that.
I not to agree as, of course, we don't want to miss that.
Practically ranting he sez will have special audio on each side of the Guillo so we can get high-resolution audio of that blade sliding down from the top and when it goes, CHUNK, and chops off the perp's head. Man, if he makes any little noise, we will hear it. This is all so great. I love it. I love it!
What do you think for music he asks me. I suggested the Bay City Rollers but he didn't like that much. He's thinking more along a Tarantino theme and wants to go with surf rock. We hope he doesn't mean "Surfer Girl."
Note: the song is awful but the Surfer Girls ... whew.
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