Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Big JImmy Brings You Pappy's Mole Service

There was one from yesterday, When a Good Deed Goes Bad, which was nothing but nice and the title was just the irony that the only way a good deed goes bad ... is by talking about it ... which was exactly my intention.

Yep, I can write stuff like that and it may not seem it but that's my preference ... but you don't read it much.  Maybe the title on that one was too off-putting but who wants a title which sounds all Shirley Temple ... not me.


On this one, we leave it to you as to whether it is a nice one and that judgment will likely depend heavily on whether moles are tearing up your lawn.





Maybe you ask, what does this have to do with moles ... but ... what do you suppose that contraption does since it's obviously not a weed whacker even though it resembles one a bit.

Perhaps you notice the hose connecting it back to the tank on his cart.  Perhaps you then wonder just what is in that tank.

Propane, baybeee!

Prepare to meet Jesus, li'l moleses.

He fills the mole's burrow with propane and then ignites it.  Tennessee Justice ... it's not quite the same as anywhere else!


(Ed:  that's horrifying!)

Well, not if you're Big Jimmy and you have a blue million moles eating up your yard.

(Ed:  doesn't this turn the yard from a few mole holes to gigantic craters?)

Well, that depends on how much propane you use, honey.  That part is important if it's your purpose to detonate moles and not yourself along with them.


So, if'n you have a mole problem, y'all call Big Jimmy, hear?


Note:  before you start lambasting Big Jimmy, keep in mind he and Little Jimmy came over to help out Mrs Lotho when she was alone with the kids and some creep was approaching the house in a sneaky way in the dark.  They came over with shotguns which were fired multiple times resulting in an immediate evacuation of said creep but zero deceased creeps, if creeps are that much of a concern to you (larfs).


Also keep in mind this is not suburbia where everyone dresses the same and acts the same.  If you call a cop out where they are, by the time the cop gets there you will be raped and pillaged and your house will be burning.

Calling Big Jimmy is a much more immediate response because he's out there already.  Country people take care of their own.  City people shoot anything which moves but country people only pull the weapon off the rack when there's a real call for it.  We don't see any burning need for gun control out there but it seems abundantly obvious there's a ton of it needed in the cities.  Better not call him into the city for mole control, tho.  Y'all will end up in Guantanamo before have time to think about it.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ok everything is close but that in not Big Jimmy. It is Nick Neptune an Iraq Vet.
And it does open some of the mole runs which you just rake over. This was for just 3 moles.
And yes he does do city work.
And yes if you are a creep stay in the city. Us country boys only aim high a couple of times. And if that doesnt send them running with evacuated bowels then it is time to level the barrel.
In the country we practice gun control.

Unknown said...

I think maybe I will leave the article as it sits unless you think I should change it. I wouldn't want to use his real name anyway.

I have no problem with any of the rest of it as that was definitely excellent gun control. You won't be wanting to come back around this way again, creepy boy.

Unknown said...

Probably much better to send him home with wet pants anyway (larfs)

Anonymous said...

no need to change