There's one thing lower than writing political speeches and that's writing stories which you pretend were written by a child. This one was ostensibly written by a six-year-old.
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says,"The Lord thy God is one," but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, "Give me a light!" and someone did. Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve.
At six the kid will be making bad puns on splitting atoms?
Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
No way a kid wrote that about mirrors.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
Another bad pun. Yahoo.
Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
Adding 'like' to augment every phrase for kids has been happening for twenty or thirty years. How about we add audio for the falling tone on the last syllable of any sentence for maximum eye-rolling goodness.
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says,"The Lord thy God is one," but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, "Give me a light!" and someone did. Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve.
At six the kid will be making bad puns on splitting atoms?
Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
No way a kid wrote that about mirrors.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
Another bad pun. Yahoo.
Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
Adding 'like' to augment every phrase for kids has been happening for twenty or thirty years. How about we add audio for the falling tone on the last syllable of any sentence for maximum eye-rolling goodness.
Also, do try to pay a little attention to where we put our commas since they do have an actual purpose which, not surprisingly, is in substantial contrast to the way you use them.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.
Another bad pun and then a rain check. What six-year-old knows about rain checks. I'm sixty-six and I've never fucking seen one in my life.
As to commas ... just don't use them anymore. Ever.
Sorry but it really snarkles my glinkas when people do this because it kind of steals from children. When adults proffer this crap, it makes us suspicious of anything which was purportedly written by a child so that kid gets ripped off. The kid didn't do anything wrong and yet there's suspicion. You know those little fuckers can see it too. If you're suspicious of something, they will know it.
Whomever does this as a writer seriously needs to grow some balls.
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