The hippies talked and talked and then talked and talked some more about the Sexual Revolution, the Summer of Love, and, hey there, Mumsie and Dadsie, we're just fucking like mad. How do you like our revolt so far.
The hippies were not aware this was not the first sexual revolution and there was probably more bedroom buffoonery in the Nineteenth Century, albeit without the magical protection of The Pill, that wonderful prescription which Changed Everything.
For a brief period in time, there was Fucking Without Penalty since the worst sexually-transmitted disease was syphilis and don't you catch that type of syphilis going around in Vietnam. That one is incurable and the Army will put you on an island from which there is no escape to quarantine anyone who catches it.
(Ed: fo' real?)
Who knows but that story was all over the place in the military.
The glory in Free-for-All Fucking lasted until HIV and, what do you know, gay people got smacked down again. Ever since, practicing safe sex has been the key to enjoying a non-deceased status ... but ... the Millennials have come to understanding and acceptance of that situation so now they're fucking like Bonobo apes again.
The difference between that and most times in history except for the sixties Sexual Revolution is they talk about it so much. We couldn't figure out why they do this since hippies talked about it so much people got tired of hearing it. Oh, you're fucking a lot? Well, gee, that's, um, radical, isn't it.
The Millennials have at least twelve different flavors of transgender and who knows how many more for unaltered genders with our favorite being the metrosexual; we do confess we're not sure what a metrosexual does but we suspect it fucks city buses.
We don't want to be too judgmental since maybe a city bus likes it in the tailpipe but we don't understand all the verbosity about it. We get it that Millennials enjoy a whole lot of bone time but why, why, why do they talk about it so much.
But then the epiphany came. The hippies were rebelling against the Victorian sexuality and pseudo-morality of the pre-sixties times and rejected those hateful attitudes toward women, their acceptance of backroom abortion chop shops, or any of the other horrors of those pre-sixties times.
The epiphany is the Millennials are doing the same thing only this time it's focused on American fundamentalists with their abstinence programs or any of their other inane plans to deny the teenage sexuality which has been happening all along or, for that matter, sexuality in general.
Note: there isn't any sexual abstinence program in America which has ever worked, not one, not once.
That the so-called controversy now focuses on North Carolina's toilets has been an intense puzzle since who even cares North Carolina exists much less what they do in their toilets. It's like wondering what Orrin Hatch does in Utah and the answer is invariably what difference does it make; he's like the desert version of Mitch McConnell. The Sand People like him, we suppose.
But then the epiphany because the Millennials have taken their own sexual revolution right to the heart of American Fundamentalist Hell. Taking it to the Voodoo States (i.e. Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, and, to some extent, Georgia) would have added Voodoo to the equation but North Carolina is straight-up (or straight-down) American Fundamentalism so now the Millennial (cough) Woodstock is in a North Carolina toilet.
We doubt Jimi Hendrix would play there but, as we've seen, there are no other artists who will play in North Carolina anywhere but it's still highly similar to Woodstock since the toilets didn't work there either (i.e. there was no way to empty them).
As to the Millennial Woodstock, think August 2019 and don't even be telling me the Fiftieth Anniversary of Woodstock should be played by a bunch of wheezing geezer hippies in wheelchairs. We want to see another Summer or Love. The Millennials have made it loudly obvious they have the sexual chops for it so let's hear some of their damn music instead of insulting us with Taylor Swift and Kanye West. Let's hear some revolution music and no more of this pipsqueak pablum!
(Ed: how about let's hear from Adele?)
Fuck you.
(Ed: what about a Gigant-o-Loll-a-Palooza?)
Oh sure, it's better to have medium geezers instead of wheezing geezers. Throw out the geezers and let's hear Millennials making some musical whoop ass. We're sick to fucking death of wheezing geezers, particularly ourselves.
(Ed: we do egalitarian music in our time, old man!)
Well, we're guessing you will have to sort your shit out if you will have a Woodstock which doesn't suck, won't you.
There are three years to make it happen so instead of yappin' and yakkin' yer shit on Facebook or threatening to show yer boobies on Instagram, how about someone gets cracking on this.
The hippies were not aware this was not the first sexual revolution and there was probably more bedroom buffoonery in the Nineteenth Century, albeit without the magical protection of The Pill, that wonderful prescription which Changed Everything.
For a brief period in time, there was Fucking Without Penalty since the worst sexually-transmitted disease was syphilis and don't you catch that type of syphilis going around in Vietnam. That one is incurable and the Army will put you on an island from which there is no escape to quarantine anyone who catches it.
(Ed: fo' real?)
Who knows but that story was all over the place in the military.
The glory in Free-for-All Fucking lasted until HIV and, what do you know, gay people got smacked down again. Ever since, practicing safe sex has been the key to enjoying a non-deceased status ... but ... the Millennials have come to understanding and acceptance of that situation so now they're fucking like Bonobo apes again.
The difference between that and most times in history except for the sixties Sexual Revolution is they talk about it so much. We couldn't figure out why they do this since hippies talked about it so much people got tired of hearing it. Oh, you're fucking a lot? Well, gee, that's, um, radical, isn't it.
The Millennials have at least twelve different flavors of transgender and who knows how many more for unaltered genders with our favorite being the metrosexual; we do confess we're not sure what a metrosexual does but we suspect it fucks city buses.
We don't want to be too judgmental since maybe a city bus likes it in the tailpipe but we don't understand all the verbosity about it. We get it that Millennials enjoy a whole lot of bone time but why, why, why do they talk about it so much.
But then the epiphany came. The hippies were rebelling against the Victorian sexuality and pseudo-morality of the pre-sixties times and rejected those hateful attitudes toward women, their acceptance of backroom abortion chop shops, or any of the other horrors of those pre-sixties times.
The epiphany is the Millennials are doing the same thing only this time it's focused on American fundamentalists with their abstinence programs or any of their other inane plans to deny the teenage sexuality which has been happening all along or, for that matter, sexuality in general.
Note: there isn't any sexual abstinence program in America which has ever worked, not one, not once.
That the so-called controversy now focuses on North Carolina's toilets has been an intense puzzle since who even cares North Carolina exists much less what they do in their toilets. It's like wondering what Orrin Hatch does in Utah and the answer is invariably what difference does it make; he's like the desert version of Mitch McConnell. The Sand People like him, we suppose.
But then the epiphany because the Millennials have taken their own sexual revolution right to the heart of American Fundamentalist Hell. Taking it to the Voodoo States (i.e. Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, and, to some extent, Georgia) would have added Voodoo to the equation but North Carolina is straight-up (or straight-down) American Fundamentalism so now the Millennial (cough) Woodstock is in a North Carolina toilet.
We doubt Jimi Hendrix would play there but, as we've seen, there are no other artists who will play in North Carolina anywhere but it's still highly similar to Woodstock since the toilets didn't work there either (i.e. there was no way to empty them).
As to the Millennial Woodstock, think August 2019 and don't even be telling me the Fiftieth Anniversary of Woodstock should be played by a bunch of wheezing geezer hippies in wheelchairs. We want to see another Summer or Love. The Millennials have made it loudly obvious they have the sexual chops for it so let's hear some of their damn music instead of insulting us with Taylor Swift and Kanye West. Let's hear some revolution music and no more of this pipsqueak pablum!
(Ed: how about let's hear from Adele?)
Fuck you.
(Ed: what about a Gigant-o-Loll-a-Palooza?)
Oh sure, it's better to have medium geezers instead of wheezing geezers. Throw out the geezers and let's hear Millennials making some musical whoop ass. We're sick to fucking death of wheezing geezers, particularly ourselves.
(Ed: we do egalitarian music in our time, old man!)
Well, we're guessing you will have to sort your shit out if you will have a Woodstock which doesn't suck, won't you.
There are three years to make it happen so instead of yappin' and yakkin' yer shit on Facebook or threatening to show yer boobies on Instagram, how about someone gets cracking on this.
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