Friday, January 3, 2014

Drown the Cat

When an indoor cat goes into heat, your options are limited:

  1. Put up with the endless annoying noise and rubbing against your legs
  2. Drown the cat

Any judge in the land will rule justifiable felinicide on that basis.  It's better to be bitten by an animal than have the sneaky little bastard rubbing against your legs.  That just ain't natural.

I did not jump immediately to the idea of drowning the cat as I have tried other things.

  • Chasing the cat while waving my arms in the air and making noises like Chewbacca
  • Throwing non-lethal objects (e.g. a McDonald's sandwich box) at the cat
  • Splashing it with water

None of these measures have been effective so therefore I conclude it is reasonable to drown the bitch.

Perhaps you ask why not let the creature alone.  And, yes, I would ... if it left me alone ... but nooooo.  That will not happen and yesterday it was almost to the top of the light stand.  You think you were pissed off when yer cat knocked over yer Christmas tree?  That ain't nothin' compared to the light stand.  There are six lasers and three LED lamps on it.  If this demon animal knocks it over you're going to hear a roar like Jack de Bear.


Disclaimer:  the animal will not be harmed.  A cat knocked my Gibson L6S off a stand and the neck broke.  That cat was not harmed and neither will this one be harmed.  (Drowning doesn't hurt, right?)

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