Friday, January 3, 2014

Going to Hell for Playing Football

No, you won't go to Hell for playing football in Europe unless it's rugby which you don't call football.  This applies to football in America which isn't football anywhere else.  It also doesn't have much to do with the feet.  Welcome to American sports.

Leviticus 11:8 has a very clear proscription against the handling of pork or pork products:  "You shall not eat of their flesh nor touch their carcasses; they are unclean to you."

There you have it, the moment you touch the football, you're unclean and you're going to Hell.

Even though the players are all going to Hell, we notice that God really likes football.  Both teams always call on Him prior to a game to help them achieve victory.  We aren't quite sure what God does with this.  If a team wins, does that indicate God's favor and, if so, how did the team achieve that favor.  In short, what are God's NFL picks.  Also, is it Fantasy Football if God plays it.

These are just some of many helpful tips from our crack team of Biblical and theological experts here at the Reverend Silas T Sasquatch Church of the Irredeemable Curmudgeon.

We are having big fun here at the CIC as it amuses us enormously to see Facebook heretics talking about how Pope Francis is teaching Christians how to be Christian.  WTF do they know about being Christians.  The only thing I know about being a Christian is the Missionary Position and that wasn't a good invention but it's not enough to condemn the entire faith.

So, enjoy your football and your Missionary Position in this glorious New Year.

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