"The Human Motherfucker" is known to every Vietnam Era draftee and possibly every sucker who ever got shanghaied into the military. Sometimes you may be concerned about fitness in yer belly and would be a mite happier in life if it did not hang over your belt. Man, the Human Motherfucker is for you.
Since we're positive you want to start this immediately, lie down on the floor with your arms at ninety degrees to each side and your legs together in front. Do not move your arms at any time.
(Ed: this is like the Crucifixion!)
Not yet, cabron. Not yet.
Keep in mind you are wearing combat boots just to increase every pleasurable nuance of this endeavor because I'm your drill sergeant and I love you.
Alright, recruits. At each position, hold it for thirty seconds until you get the command to move.
Do not let your feet touch the ground at any time or I will have to boil your gonads in cod liver oil then feed them to birds.
(Ed: why, drill sergeant?)
I don't like birds.
Raise your legs to forty-five degrees above the ground in front of you.
Raise your legs to ninety degrees above you.
Lower your legs over your right arm at forty-five degrees.
Lower your legs until just above the ground.
Raise your legs back to forty-five degrees.
Raise your legs to vertical above you.
Repeat this pattern going over your left arm.
Repeat this pattern going forward.
Keep repeating the entire pattern until your belly explodes.
Welcome to the Human Motherfucker. Likely if you ask any Vietnam Era Army, he will know what this means, especially with combat boots.
Note: there were no female draftees. No editorial, the Draft Board just didn't do it.
Oh, in case you're thinking you could get away with dropping to the ground to rest your dawgs for just a minute ... won't work. It doesn't matter if the lead drill sergeant can't see you in the back because baby drill sergeants walk around to watch and they've been to Vietnam too, they can bust you just as hard as the main guy.
Welcome to Fort Leonard Wood. It is bitching cold, you are in Hell with only a million miles to anywhere, and you are completely fucked. Vietnam is death and you're going. Whatever connection you may once have had with the world is over.
Since we're positive you want to start this immediately, lie down on the floor with your arms at ninety degrees to each side and your legs together in front. Do not move your arms at any time.
(Ed: this is like the Crucifixion!)
Not yet, cabron. Not yet.
Keep in mind you are wearing combat boots just to increase every pleasurable nuance of this endeavor because I'm your drill sergeant and I love you.
Alright, recruits. At each position, hold it for thirty seconds until you get the command to move.
Do not let your feet touch the ground at any time or I will have to boil your gonads in cod liver oil then feed them to birds.
(Ed: why, drill sergeant?)
I don't like birds.
Raise your legs to forty-five degrees above the ground in front of you.
Raise your legs to ninety degrees above you.
Lower your legs over your right arm at forty-five degrees.
Lower your legs until just above the ground.
Raise your legs back to forty-five degrees.
Raise your legs to vertical above you.
Repeat this pattern going over your left arm.
Repeat this pattern going forward.
Keep repeating the entire pattern until your belly explodes.
Welcome to the Human Motherfucker. Likely if you ask any Vietnam Era Army, he will know what this means, especially with combat boots.
Note: there were no female draftees. No editorial, the Draft Board just didn't do it.
Oh, in case you're thinking you could get away with dropping to the ground to rest your dawgs for just a minute ... won't work. It doesn't matter if the lead drill sergeant can't see you in the back because baby drill sergeants walk around to watch and they've been to Vietnam too, they can bust you just as hard as the main guy.
Welcome to Fort Leonard Wood. It is bitching cold, you are in Hell with only a million miles to anywhere, and you are completely fucked. Vietnam is death and you're going. Whatever connection you may once have had with the world is over.
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