Saturday, November 21, 2015

I Probably Would Have Been a PhD ... But They Ain't Funny

Sometimes they're funny and you can see it when you get a bunch of them together.  They tell jokes to each other and laugh uproariously but no-one else has any idea what they mean.  When they see that, they laugh all the harder ... and just may have another cocktail.

So the Herr Doktor Physics Wazoo said, "Did you hear about the Higg's Boson, the 'God' Particle?  Um, yes, well it split into three and you know what they named them but then they couldn't find one for a while and you know what?"

Um, yes, I think I do, Herr Doktor.

(Ed:  wtf?)

It's physics, man.  No-one understands!  They can say whatever they like and we will believe it because we haven't the faintest notion of what they are doing.

They make a million billion atoms go spinning around in circles and then smash them into each other so they can watch them blow all to hell.  That makes all kinds of circles and lines of things, who knows what kind, doing all kinds of activities, of who knows what nature, and they say, "My scarecrow, that's magnificent!"

All together now ... WTF!

(Ed:  My scarecrow?)

Physicists never say God.

(Ed:  ah, of course.  The Hawking Decree.  I did know that one.)

So, did you hear that thing about the wandering quark and the ...

(Ed:  you would have wound up with a PhD?)

Yah, likely so but mostly I wanted to be a stoner guitar lunatic rather than spend my life with my nose in textbooks.  It was not a hard decision to make because I was mad in love with guitars from the first time I strummed one and felt the vibration through her body.  That was love forever and no walkin' away.

(Ed:  so you spent your life with your nose in manuals for computers, MIDI, and who knows what else)

Um, yah, it's not supposed to make sense.  Lennon said life just happens and sure enough it does.

So, how about that wandering quark?

(Ed:  if you say it starts singing, my gun will shoot you all by itself)

Right, well, so then did you hear what the bishop said to the actress?

He said, madam, I have neither the time ... (guffaws of laughter) ... he said ... (My scarecrow!!) ... he said I have neither the time ... nor ... the ... (aaiiyyyeee ... I can't go on ... laughs some more ... then spits it out) ... nor the inclination!

(Ed:  (click)  (ka-pow))

The End.

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