Friday, November 27, 2015

Throwing Snowballs at Cops and Other Rites of Passage

Des Moines cops suffered egregiously ... almost .. from a teen with obvious terroristic intentions and they have issued an arrest warrant ... for throwing snowballs.  (Des Moines Register:  Teen sought for assaulting police officer with snowball)

There was a time when cops were not over-gunned sissyboys and throwing snowballs at them was big fun and a huge part of the rite of passage to manhood.

Those who did not achieve manhood through this traditional rite were the ones who got caught.

There were two things which would inevitably come after being caught by a cop for throwing snowballs at him or his car.  First, the cop would kick your ass.  Second, your father would kick your ass for being so dumb ass as to get caught.


Another traditional aspect of the rites of passage to manhood was in finding somewhere really high ... and jumping off it.  Most are aware it's important to land in water for this part of the tradition.

Note:  it's important to leap out far enough so you do not land on the rocks.  It's important to remember this part or Darwin will remember it for you.


Another aspect of the survival of the fittest in the rites of passage involved cars, although the young almost-men were not driving them.

The trick with this one was to judge, with huge precision, the speed of traffic.  Then one selects the appropriate vehicle and times one's exit from the hiding place ... then runs as fast as possible in front of the car so there's almost no possible chance of it missing you.  For the full score on this one, it's important if another car is approaching from the other direction and you scare the living hell out of that one on the other side of the road in the same way.

As with all rites of passage, this one is pass / fail.  One either passes ... or becomes part of the pavement.


There is another more advanced aspect of the rites of passage and this involves taking off all your clothes to run, as quickly as possible, naked through a bar.  The consequences of being caught in this stunt are unpredictable.


As to the obvious question:  yes to all of the above.  Most fade to the distant past but I remember one girl recognizing me as I ran through a bar ... but she was not looking with disapproval.  At that point I knew ... well ... life really is changing, isn't it.

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