Sunday, November 29, 2015

How Much Does it Suck in Fort Worth

The National Weather Service has gone from daily updates on local flooding to 'we will get back to you on that next week.'  In other words, it will probably never stop raining here and, unless Noah starts building an ark soon, we're fucked.

Two people, maybe a third, really have died from flooding in Fort Worth already and quite a few more across Texas and other states.  It has not been as brutal as that in this particular part of Fort Worth which, most fortunately, is on relatively high ground.  Nevertheless, it rains and it rains and it rains.

Which is to say, nothing whatsoever has been accomplished.  Trying to do much of anything hit a wall so the logical move from that evidence was sit on your dead ass and do nothin'.


It's been bugging me to shoot the porch scene for "The End of the World in Fort Worth" because that will tell me exactly how long it needs to play, establishes timing, etc, etc.  Nothing out there except rain and pissed off cats.  Pfft.

The cats are pissed because they know the dog is inside and they want to eat him.  He knows this but he doesn't care.  So long as cats stink worse than dirty children, he is quite sure they will stay outside.

Note:  cats always stink worse than dirty children.  If you tell me they're cute, it only tells me someone else cleans the litter box.

Toby the Dog is inside because dog hair density is low and his is short anyway.  There is a problem with having a sheep / cattle dog in the house, tho.  Every time you get up to do anything, he's ready to play.  Frequently the answer to him is 'calm down, Toby.  I wasn't thinking of playing soccer, I only wanted to get up to use the toilet.'


There's been some spanking of Silas the Cat-Hatin'est Sumbitch to Ever Stumble out of Hell but that's how it goes online.  I did not advise the talking head of Samantha, a super cute li'l stinky sumbitch of a cat ... who knocked one of my guitars out of a stand and broke the neck.  The Mystery Lady was right there and can easily strike me down with lightning if I'm lyin' when I tell you I did nothing to the cat.

That's one of this moments in which the only thought is 'you cannot be fucking serious.  This did not really happen.'

Um, yep, it did.

Note:  it's easy to break the neck of a guitar this way.  Be careful with your stand, young axeman.  Many a beauty of an axe has been broken by falling out of a guitar stand.  It's not hard to get them repaired if you know a real luthier but they're rare and are often hermits who live to work with their wood.  These people are true wizards and definitely be good to any you are fortunate enough to find.


But Samantha the super cute li'l sumbitch did stink worse than a downtown sewer.  The Mystery Lady can affirm the truth of this as well.  There were two cats at that time and only Samantha had the special gift.  The moment she had any type of, erm, elimination event, the reaction throughout the house was 'Holy Christ, what has that cat been eating!'

That reference because, presumably, Holy Christ will have some idea what the cat ate.

(Ed:  are you mocking Christ?)

No, I'm mocking cats.  Get it straight.


And there was another notice just a moment ago:  Tarrant County Flood Warning until 16:00 on Tuesday.  Yep, we're screwed in Fort Worth (sob).

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