The worst thing in life isn't dying but rather terrorization by religious minority freaks in an American hospital. ISIS loons may chop off your head but that only takes milliseconds. In America, religious terrorists can keep your death going for years and all with battery-operated church monkeys like Jeb Bush clashing cymbals together and bleating endlessly, "Praise Jesus .... Praise Jesus ... Praise Jesus ..."
That continues until your Colt .45 cocks itself and blows that pitiful wretch right home to his Jesus.
Say it a hundred times while your life slowly ebbs out of your wretched body, Jethro, "Jesus was nice. I'm a bleedin' asshole."
(Ed: he just did it to milk it for political gain!)
Of course but I fail to see how that obviates the fact he's a bleedin' asshole.
Oh, I exaggerate? Let's poke Terri Schiavo with a stick to see if she does anything.
THERE! SEE THAT! SHE'S ALIVE!
Shut up, Jeb. You're dying. Get the hell on with it. All Fascist white boys are dying out. You're just the last dregs.
That torture went on for years and her husband was savaged by it, all for the whim of pseudo-Christians and a butchered, pathetically-weak state.
I've been coughing up blood for some days. It comes, it goes. The deal with Yevette is I will not go to the E.R. because it's not an emergency situation, it just sucks. I also will not go to a public hospital for any reason because that makes me open game for religious freaks to interfere unless you have every possible defensive document signed in triplicate and notarized by Jesus. Even then they can probably find a flaw and keep you on life support until you rot. And you will rot as the biggest problem with long-term storage like that is bed sores unless they rotate you like a rotisserie chicken.
Those documents are crucial regardless of whether they are honored since they must be at least the first line of defense and your primary doctor MUST be aware of them. Standing up to Cancer is a proud statement and a brave move but my concern is when I can't stand up because that's when the religious vampires will come out to suck my blood.
SEE! HE'S STILL ALIVE! SEE THAT! HE STILL HAS BLOOD!
I can start to imagine the Edgar Allen Poe buried alive hell which a long-term coma / vegetative state may be and that's what terrifies me. There's no possible way anyone can really know and the ultimate terror is not dying but rather some religious freak can trap me into that and they can damn sure make that torture happen in America. It happens all the time.
There's some kind of pre-Medieval belief death is only righteous if you suffer like Joan of Arc. But, hey, what if it's a head shot, bitch. That ain't no suffering, it's just lights out before any nerve has time to tell your splattered brain. No Jesus for you.
It's not just pre-Medieval, it's fucking stupid and fails even the most mundane tests of logic. However, anything so stupid even Rednecks won't believe it and sure as hell the Duggars will if they ever stop breeding long enough to look. It's usually the Duggar-types who are the firestarters for burning witches because Rednecks are usually too drunk or they're trying to get their trucks started with stolen batteries before that chrome-plated, seven-year-financed F-350 gets repo'ed.
The situation is unusual since there will be full awareness at the time to implement an Exit Plan and the blog gives an amusing sensation of spryness but you know it's not real, it's just nice to look at it that way and I like it that you can. In any case, the situation has escalated as it inevitably would so that confounds the situation in an obviously disagreeable way.
Immediate considerations are what to do about it if discussion at VA is not satisfactory. An obvious course is to get a drivers license for residency and then buy a gun. Those steps are crucial or Yevette could be charged with complicity or even murder one. It's a flaming horror in America that Church Torture Police in Washington even make such considerations necessary but such is the reality and I must find protection against them.
A gun is a highly unaesthetic solution and doing it outside only moves to somewhere else a really shitty thing to see. A chemical solution is, to some extent preferable, and largely for the aesthetics but a satisfactory chemical solution is not readily apparent since an OD on heroin strikes me as one hellish way to do it. Oh, just wait until your skin turns blue and it won't be long after that.
Yeah, right.
Important note: that sucks but it does not suck now. It will suck more if it doesn't get unsuckworthy with a coherent plan now. This is not a time for confusion and the logic is simple: before it gets too intolerable to make my own move, pull the trigger. That's the play and it won't deviate barring exceptionally worthwhile reason. I do not see one but I'm open to hearing it.
It's not clear if reducing smoking will have any effect but it sure hasn't done much yet. Reduction is obviously not sufficient but do NOT read that as abandonment of that campaign. Everything of this nature has to be objective and mechanical or it makes things difficult for getting subjective and non-mechanical for music. I'm sorry if it's disturbing but hopefully the flat line tone here gives some reassurance there is no crisis; my purpose is to prevent one.
That's the basic Exit Plan but the full Exit Plan is as I have been writing. It's my purpose to play something good and with the penalty of death for clams. Assuming that is completed, the recording goes to complete the "Ride the Dragon" CD which can be released as soon as I upload the songs for it. The release fee is already paid so it will immediately go to iTunes.
The CD information will be posted to the blog and eventually My Duck Soup will fade out for lack of payment but Ithaka will continue for as long as Google where nothing ever rots except the software.
The next step is to open a GoFundMe directed to Yevette / Mystery Lady for Silas Memorial or the Itch is Dead or some such. People can kick up to it either because they're sorry I'm croaked or they're glad I'm dead because, fuck it, I won't get it anyway (larfs).
With that in-place, I'll be satisfied the last step of the Exit Plan can proceed but not before it is necessary. Note this situation is triggered by a clear sign but not by a call for an ambulance. My perspective is clear so be careful of distortion in reading. This is not panic but information.
Mystery Lady, I have never forgotten how a red Neon came home. If this can help then I want it to do that but not EVEN only for that reason. Yevette, I don't forget how you put up with my shit with random loud music at three in the morning. I would also appreciate kicking up something to the MusikCircus as you can to keep progressive music alive in the virtual world. Discussing anything in terms of detail beyond that is too personal for open discussion.
These three are women I have loved for years and for decades, all in different ways, and I'm not worth a shit but they are. That they do not think I am shit is not an easy thing to explain.
That continues until your Colt .45 cocks itself and blows that pitiful wretch right home to his Jesus.
Say it a hundred times while your life slowly ebbs out of your wretched body, Jethro, "Jesus was nice. I'm a bleedin' asshole."
(Ed: he just did it to milk it for political gain!)
Of course but I fail to see how that obviates the fact he's a bleedin' asshole.
Oh, I exaggerate? Let's poke Terri Schiavo with a stick to see if she does anything.
THERE! SEE THAT! SHE'S ALIVE!
Shut up, Jeb. You're dying. Get the hell on with it. All Fascist white boys are dying out. You're just the last dregs.
That torture went on for years and her husband was savaged by it, all for the whim of pseudo-Christians and a butchered, pathetically-weak state.
I've been coughing up blood for some days. It comes, it goes. The deal with Yevette is I will not go to the E.R. because it's not an emergency situation, it just sucks. I also will not go to a public hospital for any reason because that makes me open game for religious freaks to interfere unless you have every possible defensive document signed in triplicate and notarized by Jesus. Even then they can probably find a flaw and keep you on life support until you rot. And you will rot as the biggest problem with long-term storage like that is bed sores unless they rotate you like a rotisserie chicken.
Those documents are crucial regardless of whether they are honored since they must be at least the first line of defense and your primary doctor MUST be aware of them. Standing up to Cancer is a proud statement and a brave move but my concern is when I can't stand up because that's when the religious vampires will come out to suck my blood.
SEE! HE'S STILL ALIVE! SEE THAT! HE STILL HAS BLOOD!
I can start to imagine the Edgar Allen Poe buried alive hell which a long-term coma / vegetative state may be and that's what terrifies me. There's no possible way anyone can really know and the ultimate terror is not dying but rather some religious freak can trap me into that and they can damn sure make that torture happen in America. It happens all the time.
There's some kind of pre-Medieval belief death is only righteous if you suffer like Joan of Arc. But, hey, what if it's a head shot, bitch. That ain't no suffering, it's just lights out before any nerve has time to tell your splattered brain. No Jesus for you.
It's not just pre-Medieval, it's fucking stupid and fails even the most mundane tests of logic. However, anything so stupid even Rednecks won't believe it and sure as hell the Duggars will if they ever stop breeding long enough to look. It's usually the Duggar-types who are the firestarters for burning witches because Rednecks are usually too drunk or they're trying to get their trucks started with stolen batteries before that chrome-plated, seven-year-financed F-350 gets repo'ed.
The situation is unusual since there will be full awareness at the time to implement an Exit Plan and the blog gives an amusing sensation of spryness but you know it's not real, it's just nice to look at it that way and I like it that you can. In any case, the situation has escalated as it inevitably would so that confounds the situation in an obviously disagreeable way.
Immediate considerations are what to do about it if discussion at VA is not satisfactory. An obvious course is to get a drivers license for residency and then buy a gun. Those steps are crucial or Yevette could be charged with complicity or even murder one. It's a flaming horror in America that Church Torture Police in Washington even make such considerations necessary but such is the reality and I must find protection against them.
A gun is a highly unaesthetic solution and doing it outside only moves to somewhere else a really shitty thing to see. A chemical solution is, to some extent preferable, and largely for the aesthetics but a satisfactory chemical solution is not readily apparent since an OD on heroin strikes me as one hellish way to do it. Oh, just wait until your skin turns blue and it won't be long after that.
Yeah, right.
Important note: that sucks but it does not suck now. It will suck more if it doesn't get unsuckworthy with a coherent plan now. This is not a time for confusion and the logic is simple: before it gets too intolerable to make my own move, pull the trigger. That's the play and it won't deviate barring exceptionally worthwhile reason. I do not see one but I'm open to hearing it.
It's not clear if reducing smoking will have any effect but it sure hasn't done much yet. Reduction is obviously not sufficient but do NOT read that as abandonment of that campaign. Everything of this nature has to be objective and mechanical or it makes things difficult for getting subjective and non-mechanical for music. I'm sorry if it's disturbing but hopefully the flat line tone here gives some reassurance there is no crisis; my purpose is to prevent one.
That's the basic Exit Plan but the full Exit Plan is as I have been writing. It's my purpose to play something good and with the penalty of death for clams. Assuming that is completed, the recording goes to complete the "Ride the Dragon" CD which can be released as soon as I upload the songs for it. The release fee is already paid so it will immediately go to iTunes.
The CD information will be posted to the blog and eventually My Duck Soup will fade out for lack of payment but Ithaka will continue for as long as Google where nothing ever rots except the software.
The next step is to open a GoFundMe directed to Yevette / Mystery Lady for Silas Memorial or the Itch is Dead or some such. People can kick up to it either because they're sorry I'm croaked or they're glad I'm dead because, fuck it, I won't get it anyway (larfs).
With that in-place, I'll be satisfied the last step of the Exit Plan can proceed but not before it is necessary. Note this situation is triggered by a clear sign but not by a call for an ambulance. My perspective is clear so be careful of distortion in reading. This is not panic but information.
Mystery Lady, I have never forgotten how a red Neon came home. If this can help then I want it to do that but not EVEN only for that reason. Yevette, I don't forget how you put up with my shit with random loud music at three in the morning. I would also appreciate kicking up something to the MusikCircus as you can to keep progressive music alive in the virtual world. Discussing anything in terms of detail beyond that is too personal for open discussion.
These three are women I have loved for years and for decades, all in different ways, and I'm not worth a shit but they are. That they do not think I am shit is not an easy thing to explain.
2 comments:
On bloody sputum....smoking much and harsh Ganga?? Your writing has been all over the place, so just a though I had. And the last phone call did not feel good to me. You sounded really high/out of it. Or maybe memory changes due to blood loss? I had to stop visiting the blog for a minute. Are you in pain? From your writing, it does not seem that you are but it is difficult to tell. I know that you will not respond on the blog-but you have my Email. Please respond.
When the time comes, have you considered Hospice? The medical folks will make a referral if they believe life expectancy is six months or less. If that is the case, then it gives you and your loved ones the time to plan a little better. I held my father and told him that I loved him and that it was "okay" to go--and I told him to "go toward the light"--and I know that he heard me as he opened his eyes for the last time-- as he took his last breath and I knew it was coming due to his breathing pattern. And he was able to pass in his own home. That is a gift you can give Yvette when the time comes. It may sound grim as I write this in a matter of fact way, but I was able to prepare myself for his death and it was a beautiful experience. Much better than a shot to the head or some heroin overdose. The loss is going to be painful to ones you leave behind, but that cannot be avoided. You will not be in any pain.
There are reasons that the dying see the light--and there are two that I know of...one of them is still true to your beliefs or non-beliefs.
You know that I am not going to bullshit you and Mamma ain't gonna preach! But I have my own beliefs and I will continue to pray--but I will not beat you up and so don't beat me up either.
ML
Memory loss doesn't seem associated with buzz factor. That's a disturbing or annoying aspect of creeping years and I saw the same thing in Anne. Not particularly concerned.
There is not extreme blood loss. It turns up in sputum, mostly in the morning. No idea what that should mean. Between now and a Hospice or any other move, there's a period of some type of suckage of unknown length. I'm not shopping guns but reviewing potential courses.
I'll look forward to talking when the minutes are open but that's a couple of weeks yet.
The blog and most things are all over the place and there's a strong drive toward writing it down that at least someone wasn't rolling over for the steamroller. I don't expect it will change anyone but the record is the only thing which remains. There's little expectation anyone will ever read it because the growing unidimensional perspective for so many for whom the Internet is the only source of input comes from twittering rather than concentrated thought. Unknown how that plays over a long period but there's the drive to write it down in any case.
To the extent the strength / power / abusiveness of that is alienating, it's a problem since Blogger isn't intelligent enough to differentiate types of articles so you would have to select this type of content or that.
There's no beating either way when we talk and that's the beautiful thing in talking with you or any of the regulars. There's no contest, no judgment, only friendship for a lotta years but that's plenty by itself.
Just to quick clarity: there's no thinking in me of making a negative case regarding God, only that death is on one side of the wall and life on the other. Talking more of that and lights would be a pleasure. I do get tired of know-it-all juniors, tho. I'll cheerfully blast them to atoms (larfs).
Also, none of this is grim to me. Grim is to feel shitty about it now before there's a reason. Now it's concerning annoying and sometimes it feels kind of awful but the overall is my fingers still work and that's always my light. That was the biggest reason for a bath today as otherwise who cares (larfs). I don't spend a whole lot of time Sweatin' to the Oldies!
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