Saturday, September 17, 2016

When I Have Trouble Believing It Can't Get Worse

Believe it can get worse and imagine how much worse with frozen deep-fried Twinkies with simulated vanilla or simulated chocolate material inside them.  This extends the original shelf life of a Twinkie from a thousand years, as we saw in "Die Hard," to well over three or four millennia.  These will be handed down over generations like Egyptian mummies ... which also come with a simulated vanilla filling.


If there's anything more horrible you can imagine to eat which does not involve spiders, what could it possibly be.

-  Baluts, buried chicken eggs in the Philippines which are later exhumed for consumption as (cough) delicacies

-  Icelandic shark fins, where it's not enough to help destroy an endangered species, you need to bury their fins to get them good and rotten before eating them

-  Well, spiders.  Probably somewhere someone eats spiders.

But don't give them Frozen Deep-Fried Twinkies.  Even after spiders, that's just not right.


Yes, of course, available exclusively at Wal-Mart.  How did you guess.  I was trotting about Wally's Willful Warehouse just the other day and, presto, there were the Hostess Frozen Deep-Fried Twinkies.  I knew immediately I had found more horror than the first run of "Alien" and, if this stuff ever escapes, you're a dead man, Jim Bob.

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