Monday, April 14, 2014

Do You Hear Sounds Other People Don't Hear

They ask some lock you up questions on each visit to the VA:

  • Do you have feelings of worthlessness.
  • Do you feel hopeless for extended periods.
  • etc

Of course I feel worthless.  I went all over the world and the only place to get any serious medical care was at a VA hospital.  Of course I feel hopeless.  The situation is hopeless and can't possibly get any better ... BUT ... if you give a yes to anything, you're heading for the lock-up so the shrinks can make sure you won't jump.  The nurse will warn you, tho.  It's not some trick.

Reality becomes the measure of staying out of the nutbox.  They will feed you and give you a place to stay but the drugs suck and you probably have to watch TV and be sociable (i.e. nightmare).

I've done them all:  Prozac, Wellbutrin, Paxil, Zoloft, etc, etc.  These were all under prescription and none of them work.  Reefer works.

The danger of sobriety, apart from the suicide risk, is that the perception of reality is heavily-skewed toward a slanted objectivity.  This computer I can touch and feel so it must be real ... unless some mysterious thing in it breaks and it becomes worthless.  Then it's not a computer anymore, it's a useless POS.  The walls around can fall down or be taken away.  And the corporation is entirely vapor.  You've seen stock market crashes.  A corporation can disappear in a day.  The objective reality to which everyone clings so tightly is not at all as concrete as it seems.

Lights are real.  The LEDs on the music devices are on at all times as I am alive so long as they are.  Cat and I orbit like binary stars.  Music comes out of this complex of light like it never did for me before.  Some of you all fly around like planets or moons.  Music also comes in as it never has before so the three things I'm sure are real are light, music, and love.  Beyond that there isn't much that's real or needs to be.

Discerning what should be agreed realities even though one or more knows they are not is difficult but necessary to get along with my fellow meat puppets.  I have some trouble with this part.

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