Who the hell ever heard of spiders in the farking bread. I like a bit of that Wal-Mart French bread as I like the texture and taste so what a deal for eighty-eight cents.
But not when there are farking spiders in it.
I guess I got it yesterday and zero spiders then so that implies either immaculate spider conception or somehow those nefarious damn eight-leggers found their way to do it and I sure do love that creepy damn thought, either way.
There was the intention to make a couple of sandwiches with some Vegemite since this is the stuff which makes most Australians invulnerable to sharks. Eat some Vegemite before going to the beach and it smells so bad no shark will come anywhere near you.
(Ed: what about the sheilas, mate?)
I tell you, Jackaroo, they ain't coming either. It won't be a Romeo and Juliet beach story.
As I reached to pull a few slices of bread out of the plastic, I saw a couple of dark spots so right away I wanted to know what they were. Then I noticed there were some webs between some slices more toward the other end. Not only were they hanging about to bite me to send me to agonizing death with their virulent venom but they were farking making baby spiders too.
Spider Terror runs high in this one and it's real since one brown recluse spider can wreck your whole life, if there's actually any left of it. They aren't aggressive but they like to hang out in dark, less-traveled places so that makes the garage here perfect. The critter food is kept out there in a garbage can because terrorist critters (i.e. rats) will find it anywhere else.
Note: don't be getting flipped at the idea of rats as it's Texas, there are rats. Lose this idea of garbage strewn in the street and do try to leave that northern thinking behind (larfs).
Every time Critter Guilt gets to me but only once a day, it's before or near dawn so light in that garage is either absent of minimal. For that circumstance, I take the RBDT (Rockhouse Burglar Defense Tool) since it's a big, hefty flashlight which makes huge illumination. I figure if there's any brown recluse in the can then this thing will scare the living hell out of him and he will leave me alone or I'll at least see him coming.
The RBDT is also known as The Whacker since I can't shoot a burglar and would not want to do that anyway but maybe I can whack him and at least piss him off for coming to rip off the Galaxy Guitar.
Note: it's not a capital crime. For a sheila life is different but I never heard of a burglar breaking into someplace to force his man love on a bloke.
(Ed: why the Australian slang?)
The idea of spiders goes straight back to growing up there even when that was fifty years ago. America can give Australia probably an even run on deadly spiders so Spider Terror lives to this day. Big ones, little ones, I'm afraid of all of them. I'll try to catch him if one invades as I won't leave that murdering killer to run loose ... but I'm still terrified of the damn things.
But not when there are farking spiders in it.
I guess I got it yesterday and zero spiders then so that implies either immaculate spider conception or somehow those nefarious damn eight-leggers found their way to do it and I sure do love that creepy damn thought, either way.
There was the intention to make a couple of sandwiches with some Vegemite since this is the stuff which makes most Australians invulnerable to sharks. Eat some Vegemite before going to the beach and it smells so bad no shark will come anywhere near you.
(Ed: what about the sheilas, mate?)
I tell you, Jackaroo, they ain't coming either. It won't be a Romeo and Juliet beach story.
As I reached to pull a few slices of bread out of the plastic, I saw a couple of dark spots so right away I wanted to know what they were. Then I noticed there were some webs between some slices more toward the other end. Not only were they hanging about to bite me to send me to agonizing death with their virulent venom but they were farking making baby spiders too.
Spider Terror runs high in this one and it's real since one brown recluse spider can wreck your whole life, if there's actually any left of it. They aren't aggressive but they like to hang out in dark, less-traveled places so that makes the garage here perfect. The critter food is kept out there in a garbage can because terrorist critters (i.e. rats) will find it anywhere else.
Note: don't be getting flipped at the idea of rats as it's Texas, there are rats. Lose this idea of garbage strewn in the street and do try to leave that northern thinking behind (larfs).
Every time Critter Guilt gets to me but only once a day, it's before or near dawn so light in that garage is either absent of minimal. For that circumstance, I take the RBDT (Rockhouse Burglar Defense Tool) since it's a big, hefty flashlight which makes huge illumination. I figure if there's any brown recluse in the can then this thing will scare the living hell out of him and he will leave me alone or I'll at least see him coming.
The RBDT is also known as The Whacker since I can't shoot a burglar and would not want to do that anyway but maybe I can whack him and at least piss him off for coming to rip off the Galaxy Guitar.
Note: it's not a capital crime. For a sheila life is different but I never heard of a burglar breaking into someplace to force his man love on a bloke.
(Ed: why the Australian slang?)
The idea of spiders goes straight back to growing up there even when that was fifty years ago. America can give Australia probably an even run on deadly spiders so Spider Terror lives to this day. Big ones, little ones, I'm afraid of all of them. I'll try to catch him if one invades as I won't leave that murdering killer to run loose ... but I'm still terrified of the damn things.
2 comments:
Brown recluse is a relatively small issue. A small necrotizing area at the bite site. That hardens and goes away.
Black widow is a real issue but the rest are just irritating
Thanks and I'm surprised as they have a reputation of being almost as deadly as the widders. I'm not sure how common either may be but I know they crawl around Texas so Spider Terror lives. I don't much think of snakes as I doubt many would survive the city. Whoa, there's your horror movie: the snakes in the Trinity River (flows through Fort Worth).
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