When you're ready for the Trial by Fire, come on down to Texas to enjoy the pleasures of the local fire ants. They're not the most painful biters around but, from what I hear, they will leave you begging for forgiveness. You can see they're incredibly tiny but they pack a wallop.
Sometimes it's not just a bug bite but a test of manhood:
Usually fire ants are not like Americans and if you don't give them any trouble then they won't give you any as you can mow the lawn because I won't do it but they won't bite you although I imagine if you stand on their nest then they will find you ... and make you pay with not one but many.
As I understand it, the actual colony may well spread under all of the lawn and each of the anthills is actually a different entrance. Generally my interest in insectology / entomology only goes to curing itches from their damn bites and that's about as far as it usually needs to go although it's always farther than anyone wants to go. Damn bugs.
The Trial by Fire was often used in Medieval times as a test of witchiness since, naturally, only a fire can purge the demons from your soul. If there were no demons (e.g. Joan of Arc), well, you're just screwed. Brits own that one and the memory must give them immense pride to this day.
(Ed: Brits burned Joan of Arc?)
They sure did, Incredulous Man, and it will take multiple passes through the history book to find that much concentrated evil. The White House can deliver it too but they're much sneakier about it while the Brits just don't fuckin' care.
Today it's the Trial by Wire and let's use a Clintonian estimation here (i.e. we will make one up) that ninety percent of computer problems are caused by broken wires and don't be getting too smug about that, Millennial Man with your WiFi, as any kind of WiFi system doesn't do that much but pushing your environment to any real sophistication will invite the demons. Tip: if it's you or the wires, you're goin' down.
Something needed in the Rockhouse is increased ankle sensitivity since the ankle must be able to detect the slightest change in pressure since that indicates a wire and continuing even a short distance is going to bring something, probably expensive, crashing to the floor. Hearing that crash is one trial by wire and that one usually hurts bad.
Auditory sensitivity is also required since the use of headphones is fraught with problems and sometimes in talking with Cat she will suddenly start sounding like she is speaking Washington (i.e. unintelligible gibberish) but there's nothing wrong the headphones, it's the damn wire connecting them to her computer. This one isn't so much a trial by wire as I only need to tell her she sounded like Clinton talking about humanity and she knows right away it was senseless noise.
Well, time to exit on this one as the weak attempt at comedy has only one saving grace: at least there are no dirty jokes.
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