What I Learned in the Army

Whenever I'm walking, even after all these years, I hear the drill sergeant shouting to straighten up, pull your shoulders back, hold your head straight, etc.  And even after all these years it still works.

Something else that has stuck with me is field-stripping cigarettes.  When the platoon is on the march, the sergeant may call out to take five and then you can smoke 'em if you've got 'em but Heaven help you if you throw a cigarette butt on the ground.  If any foolish private should make that mistake then the sergeant will find him and make damn sure he never forgets that the enemy can track your movement by following the trail of cigarette butts.  Instead, what the private must do is field-strip the cigarette which is to flick the burning end off it and then pocket the butt.  To this day, I field-strip cigarettes so I can throw the butt into a garbage can.

Another thing I learned was how to throw a hand grenade.  Of the three this was the most useless but it is huge fun to chuck something that makes such a colossally big bang.  Hand Grenade Day in Basic Training is a big one as a sergeant is right next to you to ensure you don't make a fatal mistake when you first try it.  The drawback is that if you still make a mistake then you and now the sergeant will immediately become a quite disgusting mass of disordered protoplasm.

Other than the above, I didn't learn anything at all from the Army.  I wasn't much of a soldier ... but, what the hell, it wasn't much of an Army and still isn't.


P.S.  I don't write these in the sandwich shop but rather I write them offline and then pop them off in a roll.