The More We See Politics, The More We Want Monkeys

So you think you're so clever with your tool use, don't you, Mister Superior Man, but here's a clue.  Even crows do it.  Yes, of course you knew that but maybe you don't know capuchin monkeys are well on their way to making their own.  (Science Daily:  Monkeys are seen making stone flakes so humans are 'not unique' after all)

Researchers have observed wild-bearded capuchin monkeys in Brazil deliberately break stones, unintentionally creating flakes that share many of the characteristics of those produced by early Stone Age hominins.  The difference is that the capuchins' flakes are not intentional tools for cutting and scraping, but seem to be the by-product of hammering or 'percussive behavior' that the monkeys engage in to extract minerals or lichen from the stones.

- Science Daily

(Ed:  that's not so much since they didn't exactly do so much with them!)

Perhaps we could reiterate for better clarity as it's a fucking monkey, Dr Einstein.  Did you ever see a monkey do this before.  No, of course you didn't since no-one has and you know where this goes?

Well, I'll tell you where it goes as one minute you have monkeys starting to learn tools and the next they will be launching rockets into space.  The next thing after that is "Planet of the Apes" so are you following me yet, Albert?

(Ed:  it was Earth which became "The Planet of the Apes!")

We don't need Doctor Albert to tell us Earth already is the Planet of the Apes.

Maestro, rim shot, please.

Humans, we're apes, see.  We're better than those monkeys because, well, they're just monkeys and their fun is throwing poo at visitors.

(Ed:  humans like throwing ...)

Let me guess, you watched the debate, didn't yewwww?

Here at the Rockhouse, we don't like debates because they always throw the same poo but these capuchin monkeys are highly trick and apes are evolutionarily superior.  We need to find some measure of that since humans aren't very fast, we're not very strong, and we're easy to find because we like to make campfires so then we might as well have given saber-toothed tigers invitation to the dinner party (i.e. us).

(Ed:  but humans can think and are capable of inductive reasoning!)

OK, so you must not have watched the debate.  With you we can talk because we want to get psychotic in a whole different way since political psychosis doesn't change and it's more accurate to call it a really fucking bad habit.

Consider humans are actually humans now as opposed to humanoids which looked like us but from whom you would beat feet as fast as your little legs will carry you because, well, they might eat you.

(Ed:  but last night they said Putin ...)

One more time with the politics and we hand you over to the fucking humanoids, Moriarty.  Always with the negative waves, man.  What's with the negative wayes?

(Ed:  you're going to make negative waves with this story.  I can feel it!)

Well, yes, that's true but the difference is we can make them cool.

So you consider humans have been walking around the Earth for at least one hundred thousand years and maybe as many one hundred a fifty thousand.  Did you ever hear anyone anywhere mention they had seen monkeys at the point of making tools?

(Ed:  that's because capuchin monkeys are New World and apes are Old World.  There was no chance to see them!)

OK, Maverick, maybe you're not such a dumb jock fighter pilot after all.  Everything stopped evolving when it came to the New World, didn't it.  Even so, humans have been in America for at least thirty thousand years and there's nary a mention anywhere of seeing these monkeys exhibiting this behavior.  Apparently no-one ever noticed that behavior before and yet we have had plenty of time to see them since not all of that time was spent in horribly confining apartments in the cities.

But, Maverick, we're the apes, the best of beasts, and we were back in the Old World.  When we missed this exceptionally wild talent in capuchin monkeys, we're wondering what else we missed.

(Ed:  Bonobo apes have lots of sex!)

Well, of course you would know that, Mister Fighter Pilot.  If there's fuckin' anywhere then sure as hell humans are going to watch that.  We're thinking of observations which are just a wee bit less squishy than that although we do hope Bonobo Apes will have a nice day even when we know they will anyway.  You just can't wipe the smiles off their faces.

We're thinking of what else apes do while you're all distracted watching the bumping and grinding.

(Ed:  they really do have a space program?)

Dunno, mate.  I've never been to Africa either.