Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Going Off in Search of the Vampire Squid

The Rockhouse has no idea of who searches for Vampire Squid but there was a report today regarding images of 'weird and wonderful' creatures from the deep sea and that squid was one of the images.  (ABC:  Images From the Deep Unveil Weird and Wild Sea Critters)

But what do we find in the article?  No fucking images.  What kind of false advertising is that as they tell me they have pictures of weird but I get there and zero weird.  Pfft.  When the Rockhouse tells you we have images of Vampire Squid then we will bloody bring them to you.  (WIKI:  Vampire squid)


- WIKI


That looks more like an artist's conception rather than an actual squid but it still brings us a good wholesome helping of weird with a squid unlike any I ever saw before.  Admittedly, the only other squid I saw before was in the form of fried Calamari rings in Rhode Island and, yes, they are so damn good.  If you're feeling the need for some squid, go to wherever they catch them.


There's no need to invent sci fi for these guys since they're swimming sci fi horror movies right now ... but, happily, they're edible.

To really get into that cozy squid experience, we need to be in deep waters, really dark waters, where there are thousands of them ... all around ... and they bite.  The Vampire Squid only grows to about one foot but a thousand of them should be ample to easily turn you into nothing more than a digestive process.

Maybe that wasn't scary enough so extend those Vampire Squid out to fifty feet or more in length and we're in the breeding ground for Giant Squid, thousands of them.  At the center of all those tentacles, they have big, biting beaks.  It's so cold, dark, and lonely down here ... but you're never going to see the surface again.  You were a scientist but now you are food.


If that wasn't twisted enough yet, consider the combination of BP poisoning from relentless oil spills in combination with the increased background radiation and consequent ocean deposits of radioactive material from above-ground testing which result in the Giant Squid which can walk or at least slide across the land.

(Ed:  that steals the old Japanese monster movie driver!)

Yah but the oil is a twist.  We can make much worse monsters now and Godzilla wasn't so much, right?

(Ed:  he smashed New York City!)

So what as it gets smashed in one sci fi movie after the other.  In "Fail-Safe," New York City was blown up with an A-bomb.

Sci fi writers give the distinct impression none of them have any use for New York.  We have two problems with that:  Lewis Black and Broadway.  If either has to go then we need to talk about your book, Sci Fi Guy.

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