This was one outstanding Good Friday because most of the bandages came off and other good stuff happened but ... da da ... so did the Skunk!
(Ed: the Skunk?)
Ganja, my man, the ganja.
Sorry about the withdrawal symptoms in the midst of doctors slashin' me up again.
(Ed: what withdrawal symptoms?)
Dunno but maybe there was somethin', you know (larfs).
Just like Scarface, if he's a Communist then I carve him up real nice. (Ref: Al Pacino in "Scarface")
The bandages are off now and the incisions are impressive, should leave some outstanding scars. The one on my face is 3"-4" / maybe 10cm and the one on my back is 5"-6" / 15cm. The days of 30mm-50mm incisions are long past. The cool part is it looks so Frankenstein and I got a big, big bang out of the Security 98.
Note: the Mystery Lady got a giggle out of Security 98 and it bugs y'all if you look different but I revel in it. Security 98, Security 98!
That one constitutes a good story since it got a giggle and particularly a giggle from the Mystery Lady who has zero interest in an endless diet of political sophistry.
There are some other stories which don't make the cut for interesting, tho:
Any time a gunner shoots himself accidentally in the calzones.
No more of those, mates. There's got to be a whole platoon out there by now of gunners with severely grazed gonads so we probably don't need to hear about them unless they form a choir and start covering Tiny Tim songs.
Or how about we give them all Eddie van Halen guitars so they can play "Panama" at the same time. That'd be jammin', right??
Any time a gunner's kid shoots the parental gunner.
Here's another situation for which we have heard so many examples it's enough now to say, simply, "Thank you, Jesus," and go on about your business. Otherwise, lock and load, Dagwood. Junior wants to play.
We don't need to hear about the second-in-command in Al Qaeda or ISIS being captured.
Maybe you haven't noticed but everyone the military and/or CIA captures or kills is the second-in-command. After capping so many of them over the last sixteen years, we're surprised they have anyone left to make coffee ... we probably don't need these stories anymore.
Caitlyn Jenner's sex life
This one isn't so much a story you don't want to hear anymore but rather a story we never wanted to hear in the first place. You did what? You did fookin' what?? 50/50??? Did you read about that in a Marvel comic?
Better yet, don't tell me.
Bill Clinton's sex life
Now The Happy Hooker (i.e. Xaviera Hollander) was cool ... but Bill Clinton is definitely not cool even though both took generally the same profession. After Clinton and his sloppy laundering habits, Hollywood made a movie ... but it was about Hollander. We won't be waiting up until there's one about Clinton and his favorite dry cleaner, tho.
Stories we do want to hear:
Michelle Rodriguez
Yah, got your attention now, din't we.
She took a Jaguar F-Type SVR up to 200mph (certified) and this wasn't a movie, Gomer Pyle; she was doing it for real with a cam on the speedometer. If you don't think that's ballin', you're prob'ly not going to need that word much in yer miserable life.
(Ed: I thought ballin' was sixties slang for sex?)
She was doing 200 mph! What's the fookin' difference!
It was a straight line run but fair enough. The first move for a go-faster is to discover how she feels at speed. Does she lift up? Does she get light anywhere? Does she get squirrelly in any way? What's that vibration??
Tip o' the Galactic Peace Tour helmet to Michelle Rodriguez and maybe you say it's a damn shame she's gay ... but ... it damn sure ain't a damn shame for someone!
Bernie Sanders and the Bird
We love this story ... because ...
because ...
(Ed: the Skunk?)
Ganja, my man, the ganja.
Sorry about the withdrawal symptoms in the midst of doctors slashin' me up again.
(Ed: what withdrawal symptoms?)
Dunno but maybe there was somethin', you know (larfs).
Just like Scarface, if he's a Communist then I carve him up real nice. (Ref: Al Pacino in "Scarface")
The bandages are off now and the incisions are impressive, should leave some outstanding scars. The one on my face is 3"-4" / maybe 10cm and the one on my back is 5"-6" / 15cm. The days of 30mm-50mm incisions are long past. The cool part is it looks so Frankenstein and I got a big, big bang out of the Security 98.
Note: the Mystery Lady got a giggle out of Security 98 and it bugs y'all if you look different but I revel in it. Security 98, Security 98!
That one constitutes a good story since it got a giggle and particularly a giggle from the Mystery Lady who has zero interest in an endless diet of political sophistry.
There are some other stories which don't make the cut for interesting, tho:
Any time a gunner shoots himself accidentally in the calzones.
No more of those, mates. There's got to be a whole platoon out there by now of gunners with severely grazed gonads so we probably don't need to hear about them unless they form a choir and start covering Tiny Tim songs.
Or how about we give them all Eddie van Halen guitars so they can play "Panama" at the same time. That'd be jammin', right??
Any time a gunner's kid shoots the parental gunner.
Here's another situation for which we have heard so many examples it's enough now to say, simply, "Thank you, Jesus," and go on about your business. Otherwise, lock and load, Dagwood. Junior wants to play.
We don't need to hear about the second-in-command in Al Qaeda or ISIS being captured.
Maybe you haven't noticed but everyone the military and/or CIA captures or kills is the second-in-command. After capping so many of them over the last sixteen years, we're surprised they have anyone left to make coffee ... we probably don't need these stories anymore.
Caitlyn Jenner's sex life
This one isn't so much a story you don't want to hear anymore but rather a story we never wanted to hear in the first place. You did what? You did fookin' what?? 50/50??? Did you read about that in a Marvel comic?
Better yet, don't tell me.
Bill Clinton's sex life
Now The Happy Hooker (i.e. Xaviera Hollander) was cool ... but Bill Clinton is definitely not cool even though both took generally the same profession. After Clinton and his sloppy laundering habits, Hollywood made a movie ... but it was about Hollander. We won't be waiting up until there's one about Clinton and his favorite dry cleaner, tho.
Stories we do want to hear:
Michelle Rodriguez
Yah, got your attention now, din't we.
She took a Jaguar F-Type SVR up to 200mph (certified) and this wasn't a movie, Gomer Pyle; she was doing it for real with a cam on the speedometer. If you don't think that's ballin', you're prob'ly not going to need that word much in yer miserable life.
(Ed: I thought ballin' was sixties slang for sex?)
She was doing 200 mph! What's the fookin' difference!
It was a straight line run but fair enough. The first move for a go-faster is to discover how she feels at speed. Does she lift up? Does she get light anywhere? Does she get squirrelly in any way? What's that vibration??
Tip o' the Galactic Peace Tour helmet to Michelle Rodriguez and maybe you say it's a damn shame she's gay ... but ... it damn sure ain't a damn shame for someone!
Bernie Sanders and the Bird
We love this story ... because ...
because ...
And how about Hedy Lamarr
Considered by many to have been the most beautiful woman who ever walked the Earth but that was secondary to her. She was an inventor with brilliant capability and she created the precursor to modern WiFi, in partnership with another scientist.
She was German but she left before WWII and became a star in Hollywood but it wasn't enough and she wanted to find a way to prevent German submarines from attacking convoy shipping as it traversed the Atlantic. Yah, she was that brilliant.
See, there are good stories out there ... and some which are fookin' spectacular ... as opposed to:
Donald Trump's Schlong
Dear Donald, we don't care if it's a big one or a little one but it sure would be swell if you were happy with it and, for the sake of Johnny Wadd, shut the fuck up about it.
Lame to go from ass to class but here goes ...
Malia Obama
She must be about sixteen but she doesn't look like a mallrat, some pretentious White House princess, or any of the other richie horror stories. There was a pic of her in a $45 dress from right off the rack and she was wearing some sneakers with about the same cost.
Mama has been teaching this kid right. After eight years living in the White House, most of her life, the kid still wears clothes off the rack.
(Insert editorial on how Camelot was stolen from possibly the most elegant family to enter the White House since the Kennedys and maybe even before that because the Obamas have been immaculate.)
(Ed: that ain't funny!)
Nah but it's beautiful, almost as good, right??
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