You know chemtrails, those are the white streamers behind aircraft at altitude and the wisest of you know there are chemicals inside them which result in behavioral changes in all Americans. When enough of the chemicals have been absorbed by all the free citizens of America, we will all feel compelled to run outside to start barking like dogs. If you have ever seen Facebook, you have seen so many people barking like the dog next-door which the asshole owner never takes for a walk.
(Ed: chemtrails?)
You bet. Facebook is the proof of them.
Woof, woof.
Here on the Socialist Left, we believe all free people have a right to share in a rippin' good conspiracy theory so here's how to do it:
You need a NASA scientist for credibility, right?
OK, get you one down at the Goodwill Store. We need a cheap suit, a pair of John Lennon glasses, and something we can fake up as a NASA badge.
We will go full Bernie Sanders with a NASA scientist who is old and so brilliant his mind couldn't even be bothered combing his hair because it's so trivial to worry about things of that nature.
Now then ... here's the beauty part: maybe in not so much longer the green screen comes together. So, we drop out the background behind our brilliant NASA sciencer and I mean all of it. All that's required after is a static image from the space station and we will put our NASA man in orbit if we like.
If you want credibility, do it the same way as the US military: get a green screen and fake it.
This is also how we will prove the Iraq War did not happen.
(Ed: you go too far!)
Of course I don't when they faked all the NASA Moon landings with green screens. You know that much already so why do you believe the Iraq War really happened. For that matter, the War in Afghanistan never happened either.
(Ed: the hell you say!)
Of course that's true because you remember Hillary Clinton saying she went to Afghanistan and was under heavy fire from some unnamed enemy. However, multiple soldiers said her story was complete crap and it never happened.
What happened here, see, is the story is obvious bullshit because you won't find Hillary Clinton anywhere but in a back room of a Wall Street bank taking bribes or at a shopping mall buying everything in sight at Dowagers R Us, same place Carly Fiorina and (cough) Ben Carson shop.
In the corporate world, they call something like this a 'disconnect' and that's when your bullshit cover story falls apart and you need a corporate excuse. Oh sure, there was a disconnect on that one. That covers all the situations and the standard procedure is to have anyone killed after they have been involved in a disconnect. That clears the field and they start over.
If you know any of the soldiers who spoke up, check in on them because they didn't get the revised script when Clinton's campaign staff wrote Hillary Clinton into their fake war so she will probably have them killed. Those soldiers are in danger.
If you doubt any of it, riddle me this: what happened to Vince Foster, huh?
The only reason they didn't snuff Monica Lewinsky is Bill Clinton still thinks he has a chance of boning her. That's why he wants back into the White House.
(Ed: you really believe this crap?)
Oh right, tell me about credibility when y'all believe Ben Carson was really a neurosurgeon. That yahoo would have been overtaxed working in a golf store. He never made it as a pro because there hasn't been a prayer yet which makes a hole-in-one for golfers. Prayers sure did wonders for his Presidency, huh (larfs).
(Ed: fookin' blasphemy!)
Yah, yah, tell me it's respectful of the Lord to pray for Lotto numbers (larfs).
Lord, Lord, I beseech you hear my prayer. Please make my Lotto numbers win and fuck over everyone else. I only ask this one tiny thing and I will go to church every day if you do it.
(Lord: Noah, if you keep fucking with me, that Ark is going down, get me?)
(Ed: now THAT was blasphemous!)
Oy, oy, where do you see any denial of the existence of the Lord, huh?
(Ed: you say he talks dirty! Of course that's blasphemous!)
He's the Lord and he can use any words he fookin' likes. What fun is it being Lord if you can't, huh?
(Ed: you ain't no God-fearin' man!)
What's to fear, Reverend Texas Butterball! I'm sitting here, living, breathing, and wondering how the hell I wound up in Texas. If'n you're believing yer Bible, the good Lord made it happen so you want me to be afraid of him for that?? I'm kinda fookin' glad he did, you know. So I'm supposed to say, hey there, Lord, buddy. You got me all breathin' and everything so, yah, fuck you for that! I hate it!
Sure, that's really going to happen.
I'm dancing like a penguin underwater right after he catches a fish. I'm so happy to be a penguin!
(Ed: you are one crazy bastard!)
Try it for size, Dagwood. You might like it (larfs).
I'm so happy to be a penguin!
(Ed: chemtrails?)
You bet. Facebook is the proof of them.
Woof, woof.
Here on the Socialist Left, we believe all free people have a right to share in a rippin' good conspiracy theory so here's how to do it:
You need a NASA scientist for credibility, right?
OK, get you one down at the Goodwill Store. We need a cheap suit, a pair of John Lennon glasses, and something we can fake up as a NASA badge.
We will go full Bernie Sanders with a NASA scientist who is old and so brilliant his mind couldn't even be bothered combing his hair because it's so trivial to worry about things of that nature.
Now then ... here's the beauty part: maybe in not so much longer the green screen comes together. So, we drop out the background behind our brilliant NASA sciencer and I mean all of it. All that's required after is a static image from the space station and we will put our NASA man in orbit if we like.
If you want credibility, do it the same way as the US military: get a green screen and fake it.
This is also how we will prove the Iraq War did not happen.
(Ed: you go too far!)
Of course I don't when they faked all the NASA Moon landings with green screens. You know that much already so why do you believe the Iraq War really happened. For that matter, the War in Afghanistan never happened either.
(Ed: the hell you say!)
Of course that's true because you remember Hillary Clinton saying she went to Afghanistan and was under heavy fire from some unnamed enemy. However, multiple soldiers said her story was complete crap and it never happened.
What happened here, see, is the story is obvious bullshit because you won't find Hillary Clinton anywhere but in a back room of a Wall Street bank taking bribes or at a shopping mall buying everything in sight at Dowagers R Us, same place Carly Fiorina and (cough) Ben Carson shop.
In the corporate world, they call something like this a 'disconnect' and that's when your bullshit cover story falls apart and you need a corporate excuse. Oh sure, there was a disconnect on that one. That covers all the situations and the standard procedure is to have anyone killed after they have been involved in a disconnect. That clears the field and they start over.
If you know any of the soldiers who spoke up, check in on them because they didn't get the revised script when Clinton's campaign staff wrote Hillary Clinton into their fake war so she will probably have them killed. Those soldiers are in danger.
If you doubt any of it, riddle me this: what happened to Vince Foster, huh?
The only reason they didn't snuff Monica Lewinsky is Bill Clinton still thinks he has a chance of boning her. That's why he wants back into the White House.
(Ed: you really believe this crap?)
Oh right, tell me about credibility when y'all believe Ben Carson was really a neurosurgeon. That yahoo would have been overtaxed working in a golf store. He never made it as a pro because there hasn't been a prayer yet which makes a hole-in-one for golfers. Prayers sure did wonders for his Presidency, huh (larfs).
(Ed: fookin' blasphemy!)
Yah, yah, tell me it's respectful of the Lord to pray for Lotto numbers (larfs).
Lord, Lord, I beseech you hear my prayer. Please make my Lotto numbers win and fuck over everyone else. I only ask this one tiny thing and I will go to church every day if you do it.
(Lord: Noah, if you keep fucking with me, that Ark is going down, get me?)
(Ed: now THAT was blasphemous!)
Oy, oy, where do you see any denial of the existence of the Lord, huh?
(Ed: you say he talks dirty! Of course that's blasphemous!)
He's the Lord and he can use any words he fookin' likes. What fun is it being Lord if you can't, huh?
(Ed: you ain't no God-fearin' man!)
What's to fear, Reverend Texas Butterball! I'm sitting here, living, breathing, and wondering how the hell I wound up in Texas. If'n you're believing yer Bible, the good Lord made it happen so you want me to be afraid of him for that?? I'm kinda fookin' glad he did, you know. So I'm supposed to say, hey there, Lord, buddy. You got me all breathin' and everything so, yah, fuck you for that! I hate it!
Sure, that's really going to happen.
I'm dancing like a penguin underwater right after he catches a fish. I'm so happy to be a penguin!
(Ed: you are one crazy bastard!)
Try it for size, Dagwood. You might like it (larfs).
I'm so happy to be a penguin!
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