Vaseline is a mystery substance in the category of things for functions I probably don't want to know. I needed to get some of it because of my oh-so-woeful situation which is improving, by the way. The book says soap and water and then smear it with Vaseline so, ok, go out to get some.
There's a problem with going to get some because I don't have a Texas drivers license or, more accurately, I don't have any drivers license.
Lame cop: they make it such a screaming hassle to do it. Old move was to show with your drivers license from elsewhere, turn it over, and then sign up for the local state. Nooooo ... now it's endless ... Papieren! Sie mussen Papieren haben! Papieren!
My thinking is Texas wants to go back to wagon trains.
To heighten my chances of detection, I didn't go out until about ten p.m. last Saturday night. I wasn't sure where to find a drugstore but stumbled across a Walgreens.
Note: at this stage, the extra-melodramatic bandages had been removed, also by the book, so I was a sight from the Mad Doctor's basement. We can skip the details as I'm sure you know how much your face can bleed. Yah, like that (larfs). Hell of a mess.
As I walked into the Walgreens, I noticed a blondie girl who was kind of a greeter / cashier and, as soon as she saw me, she got onto the store intercom and announced, "Security 98, Security 98!"
That went out all over the store but she didn't sound panicked in any way so I was curious ... what's the Security 98. There was nothin' around her and I looked behind me but nothin' there either so I believe it was reasonable to conclude yer faithful reporter was the one.
Security 98!
Since it looked like she was on the run already, that meant screw with her, right? She asked me if she can help with anything so I asked, "Where can I find some Vaseline, darlin'?"
She stayed cool but right away her eyes got big and you could see it ... holy shit, fucking Frankenstein wants some Vaseline. WHAT is Frankenstein going to do with Vaseline??? WHAT the HELL will he do with it!!
Fortunately, she did not escalate to a Security 99. That's when they take you down and do a body cavity search.
And that's how I obtained the Vaseline and, possibly, became a Walgreens horror story in which the blondie girl can retell how she barely escaped with her life from Security 98!
There's a problem with going to get some because I don't have a Texas drivers license or, more accurately, I don't have any drivers license.
Lame cop: they make it such a screaming hassle to do it. Old move was to show with your drivers license from elsewhere, turn it over, and then sign up for the local state. Nooooo ... now it's endless ... Papieren! Sie mussen Papieren haben! Papieren!
My thinking is Texas wants to go back to wagon trains.
To heighten my chances of detection, I didn't go out until about ten p.m. last Saturday night. I wasn't sure where to find a drugstore but stumbled across a Walgreens.
Note: at this stage, the extra-melodramatic bandages had been removed, also by the book, so I was a sight from the Mad Doctor's basement. We can skip the details as I'm sure you know how much your face can bleed. Yah, like that (larfs). Hell of a mess.
As I walked into the Walgreens, I noticed a blondie girl who was kind of a greeter / cashier and, as soon as she saw me, she got onto the store intercom and announced, "Security 98, Security 98!"
That went out all over the store but she didn't sound panicked in any way so I was curious ... what's the Security 98. There was nothin' around her and I looked behind me but nothin' there either so I believe it was reasonable to conclude yer faithful reporter was the one.
Security 98!
Since it looked like she was on the run already, that meant screw with her, right? She asked me if she can help with anything so I asked, "Where can I find some Vaseline, darlin'?"
She stayed cool but right away her eyes got big and you could see it ... holy shit, fucking Frankenstein wants some Vaseline. WHAT is Frankenstein going to do with Vaseline??? WHAT the HELL will he do with it!!
Fortunately, she did not escalate to a Security 99. That's when they take you down and do a body cavity search.
And that's how I obtained the Vaseline and, possibly, became a Walgreens horror story in which the blondie girl can retell how she barely escaped with her life from Security 98!
4 comments:
And truth is stranger than fiction. That was so funny!! ML
I'm so glad you saw it! I know the political flim flam isn't a big hit with you so I'm happy this one was here, even more that you got a laugh out of it.
It's much more my purpose to entertain than anything else and political things just ain't that entertaining! (larfs)
http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/portlandia-duo-fred-armisen-carrie-brownstein-discuss-show/story?id=37288776
Do you ever watch Portlandia? This could have been an episode!! Still funny! And the Vaseline...ML
P.S. I did not call--out of minutes
Nope, never did. I hardly ever see TV ... but when I do ... it's in triplicate because of all the ghost images! (larfs)
I have never even heard of it but thanks!
I'm glad it wasn't your call I missed because the others are usually worthless and there's an article here abotu one of them. Hopefully soon!
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