Bungee jumping seems an obvious way to commit suicide and that probably turns the jumpers on to some extent. What turns them on even more is when they do their bungee jumping in their birthday suits. They say there's nothing like the freedom and likely there is nothing to compare with getting naked and jumping off a bridge. There's also nothing to compare with covering yourself with ice cream and sitting on a nest of fire ants.
Something they really enjoy in bungee jumping is to discover how close they can get to the ground or the water without actually hitting it. If you have a brain the size of a cranberry, there's an extra thrill if you can brush the water with your feet. That shows you have really big balls ... at least for a while.
It's not likely bungee jumpers give anything much thought as they lack the capacity for it but they might have considered it's not only people who watch them. And that's the problem.
Something which might have been a small problem immediately becomes a big one if the audience consists of one or more snapping turtles.
In this case, the hero of our story did, in fact, drag his feet through the water but the biggest of the snapping turtles in the audience had observed the last one to try and also observed this has to be something to eat as what other purpose could it serve.
In this respect, we have to agree with the snapping turtle but not so much with its methods as what it chose to eat was not one of the legs which our hero dragged through the water but rather what was between them.
(Ed: that snapping turtle could get a job in L.A.)
We think it already has one ... but we digress.
Our previously big-balled hero was dragged back up to the bridge as quickly as they could pull him up there but he was bleeding profusely from his gentleman's area or at least what was left of it.
"Say there, Billy Jack. Should we try a tourniquet?" Jim Bob was entirely confused about the appropriate procedure for an absent penis.
Billy Jack was not confused, at least not yet, and screamed, "Find the turtle what ate me fookin' penis!"
Up and down the river, the cry rang out, "Save the Penis. Find the Turtle."
But, alas, the turtle was not found and, regrettably, Billy Jack bled out quickly and succumbed to the injury, thus registering the first Suicide by Snapping Turtle in human history.
(Ed: when's the funny part?)
That (cough) was the funny part.
Something they really enjoy in bungee jumping is to discover how close they can get to the ground or the water without actually hitting it. If you have a brain the size of a cranberry, there's an extra thrill if you can brush the water with your feet. That shows you have really big balls ... at least for a while.
It's not likely bungee jumpers give anything much thought as they lack the capacity for it but they might have considered it's not only people who watch them. And that's the problem.
Something which might have been a small problem immediately becomes a big one if the audience consists of one or more snapping turtles.
In this case, the hero of our story did, in fact, drag his feet through the water but the biggest of the snapping turtles in the audience had observed the last one to try and also observed this has to be something to eat as what other purpose could it serve.
In this respect, we have to agree with the snapping turtle but not so much with its methods as what it chose to eat was not one of the legs which our hero dragged through the water but rather what was between them.
(Ed: that snapping turtle could get a job in L.A.)
We think it already has one ... but we digress.
Our previously big-balled hero was dragged back up to the bridge as quickly as they could pull him up there but he was bleeding profusely from his gentleman's area or at least what was left of it.
"Say there, Billy Jack. Should we try a tourniquet?" Jim Bob was entirely confused about the appropriate procedure for an absent penis.
Billy Jack was not confused, at least not yet, and screamed, "Find the turtle what ate me fookin' penis!"
Up and down the river, the cry rang out, "Save the Penis. Find the Turtle."
But, alas, the turtle was not found and, regrettably, Billy Jack bled out quickly and succumbed to the injury, thus registering the first Suicide by Snapping Turtle in human history.
(Ed: when's the funny part?)
That (cough) was the funny part.
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