As anyone whoever bought a cellphone knows, the goddamn things don't work and all they do is put angry birds on the screen like I'm not an angry bird because I got stuck with this worthless piece of shit which is only one step above the stupid LED shit you can put in your hair but at least that shit works. (The Onion: Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work)
(Ed: you have LED shit to put in your hair?)
Yes, and it fucking works.
(Ed: what hair?)
Fuck you.
And musicians, holy shit, those stupid motherfuckers aren't satisfied with consumer grade masochism from companies like Sony and the worthless crap Sony makes so they go out and spend enormous amounts of money to get a whole lot of electronic shit direct from China ... which still doesn't fucking work.
There are two ways to get worthless shit from China. The first is you buy it like these stupid fucking musicians and get complex electronics from some asshole whose other job is growing rice. The other way is to get it from Apple who will pretend they didn't get that piece of electronic shitstorm from some rice-growing asshole in China.
All electronic equipment is good at blinking. It blinks and blinks with those cheap-ass fucking Korean LEDs and they never ever fucking work ... except for the LEDs to tell you the fucking thing doesn't work because that one always works. That's the fooled you again, Dumb Ass, circuit and Sony should use that circuit for the rest of what it makes because at least it fucking works.
Ever since consumer grade Video Cassette Records which hardly ever worked and always blinked that goddamn 12:00 forever, we have known The Chinese Hate Us. Did we learn from this. Well, sure we did ... but fucking Apple didn't and we have had these fucking worthless piece of shit cellphones blinking and beeping but not fucking working ever since.
Oh fuck, dead zone. Lost you.
Ah, there you are. I hate these fucking things. They never work.
(Ed: pop quiz, asshole. Why did you buy it?)
So, like I was saying. It's those fucking socialists at the bottom of this. They never fucking work either, I tell you.
There was some adjacent news as it wouldn't be accurate to call it relevant news because that would be fucking impossible when talking about the Presidents whose only real accomplishment in the last sixty years was killing Marilyn Monroe and failing to give us the only thing we want from space: sex videos. Presidents don't fucking work but why should they. Nothing else fucking works either.
Instead of sex videos, what do we get? Robots. More fucking electronics and, guess what, they hardly ever work either. They shot one spaceship to Mars and couldn't even find it. This worthless piece of shit lost a whole fucking planet.
Even though the President doesn't work, that doesn't stop him from stealing my fucking material. And you know what I say to that: PHUKIT.
We are quite sure we did the announcement of PHUKITOL in its original form prior to the White House press conference in which the President said PHUKIT frequently. We believe the President thought this was newsworthy but we have never seen a President which did not say PHUKIT and that, all together now, is why we say PHUKITOL.
The new safer, organic form was about to be released to give the fucking peace to anyone who fucking wants it but now what do we do fucking do. Plagiarized by the fucking President.
(Ed: does PHUKITOL work?)
Fuck no.
Note: the President is not a POTUS which is a kind of skin ailment which afflicts certain tribes of Eskimos. Get it straight.
Also, a SCOTUS is a sexually-communicable disease you can only catch in Saigon and is incurable. Any soldiers who caught it during the Vietnam fiasco were sent to an island in the Pacific and they were never allowed to go home.
(Ed: you have LED shit to put in your hair?)
Yes, and it fucking works.
(Ed: what hair?)
Fuck you.
And musicians, holy shit, those stupid motherfuckers aren't satisfied with consumer grade masochism from companies like Sony and the worthless crap Sony makes so they go out and spend enormous amounts of money to get a whole lot of electronic shit direct from China ... which still doesn't fucking work.
There are two ways to get worthless shit from China. The first is you buy it like these stupid fucking musicians and get complex electronics from some asshole whose other job is growing rice. The other way is to get it from Apple who will pretend they didn't get that piece of electronic shitstorm from some rice-growing asshole in China.
All electronic equipment is good at blinking. It blinks and blinks with those cheap-ass fucking Korean LEDs and they never ever fucking work ... except for the LEDs to tell you the fucking thing doesn't work because that one always works. That's the fooled you again, Dumb Ass, circuit and Sony should use that circuit for the rest of what it makes because at least it fucking works.
Ever since consumer grade Video Cassette Records which hardly ever worked and always blinked that goddamn 12:00 forever, we have known The Chinese Hate Us. Did we learn from this. Well, sure we did ... but fucking Apple didn't and we have had these fucking worthless piece of shit cellphones blinking and beeping but not fucking working ever since.
Oh fuck, dead zone. Lost you.
Ah, there you are. I hate these fucking things. They never work.
(Ed: pop quiz, asshole. Why did you buy it?)
So, like I was saying. It's those fucking socialists at the bottom of this. They never fucking work either, I tell you.
There was some adjacent news as it wouldn't be accurate to call it relevant news because that would be fucking impossible when talking about the Presidents whose only real accomplishment in the last sixty years was killing Marilyn Monroe and failing to give us the only thing we want from space: sex videos. Presidents don't fucking work but why should they. Nothing else fucking works either.
Instead of sex videos, what do we get? Robots. More fucking electronics and, guess what, they hardly ever work either. They shot one spaceship to Mars and couldn't even find it. This worthless piece of shit lost a whole fucking planet.
Even though the President doesn't work, that doesn't stop him from stealing my fucking material. And you know what I say to that: PHUKIT.
We are quite sure we did the announcement of PHUKITOL in its original form prior to the White House press conference in which the President said PHUKIT frequently. We believe the President thought this was newsworthy but we have never seen a President which did not say PHUKIT and that, all together now, is why we say PHUKITOL.
The new safer, organic form was about to be released to give the fucking peace to anyone who fucking wants it but now what do we do fucking do. Plagiarized by the fucking President.
(Ed: does PHUKITOL work?)
Fuck no.
Note: the President is not a POTUS which is a kind of skin ailment which afflicts certain tribes of Eskimos. Get it straight.
Also, a SCOTUS is a sexually-communicable disease you can only catch in Saigon and is incurable. Any soldiers who caught it during the Vietnam fiasco were sent to an island in the Pacific and they were never allowed to go home.
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