This is partly to help myself focus as it's incredibly difficult. Everything here is regarding Klonopin withdrawal and discerning that which is real.
There wasn't total surprise in this as I knew you do not exceed the prescribed amount of it as otherwise you would easily get accustomed to it and end up grinding up the tablets and stuffing your face with it. That is not what happened. I thought I was inside the rules and I was as far as I knew them. Any doctor who prescribes Klonopin should be held fully accountable for it.
Note: this is not setting up a lawsuit. Even if I did, it would be pointless. A lawyer only needs to read the blog and s/he will have enough to destroy me. It's not reasonable as I only smoke reefer in addition to this Klonopin (plus blood pressure med and better breathing meds) but I would still get nailed to the wall.
For quite a while nothing would work. Nothing went into my body and nothing came out of it. This was not from constipation, it just stopped. I tried to force myself to eat and I couldn't do it. Only now with chicken noodle soup is anything improving. Yevette also got protein drinks to help get this started. I couldn't eat for three days before that.
This is withdrawal and I never got close to addicted to anything else. Believe whatever you like about reefer. I don't consider it addiction when I don't go berserk if it's not around.
The symptoms are racing pulse, dizziness, confusion, and deranged thinking. This takes vastly longer to write than it does you for you to read.
There is pressure from everything. I don't know if I have a headache, high blood pressure, and my head will just fookin' explode ... or none of these things; I can't tell. Note well, I don't exaggerate anything.
They tagged me as FALL RISK when I was at hospital and that hasn't changed much. Walking is perilous and the doctor asked if the room spins but that's not it. My balance gets lost.
Deranged thinking is hugely disturbing but there's nothing for it other than to roll. Reefer is not playing much into this and the only benefit so far is less coughing because I'm smoking far less of anything.
Part of the reason for writing is I don't really get what is happening. The withdrawal complicates the hell out of that as discerning what's real is difficult.
There's extreme sensitivity to audio as any sound can send me into the stratosphere. This is wired like I have never known before. This is even after snorting pure crystal from a Mason jar full of it with a looney back in the Army around '71. That was the first and last time I ever did that.
(Ed: crystal?)
Pure speed. Unknown which specific variety but this guy had to be doing some major dealing to have so much of it. That's the kind of thing you don't ask. This wasn't the stuff you make from allergy pills or whatever. Again, you don't ask how he does it.
When I lie down, I can bring it all down. Pulse settles and after a while I don't have the immediate thought I'm in danger of death. If you've ever done coke, you know how it goes with that stuff as you lie down and your heart is pounding like double-kick drums and you're thinking, man, it was a great party but I really wasn't planning on dying yet. It's the same thing but some Jedi mind stuff can manage it whereas with coke you're in it until it wears off or you die.
At the same time, there's a manic drive to accomplish. Do it now or it will be lost. That's not true as so what if it's lost but the pressure comes.
This is, bar none, the scariest thing I have ever experienced and I've done some seriously scary stuff. Motorcycles, racing karts, skydiving, etc, etc and none of this was simple thrill seeking as I doubt anyone simply 'seeks thrills.' In my view, it's exactly the same as using illegal drugs for the visions. For me, if you won't experience everything, why even show up.
There is no noticeable depression other than the obvious of, well, this sucks. I don't want to die and I don't embrace it. However, any symptoms of risk are exacerbated by the withdrawal from Klonopin and this creates terror. It feels like it could come from anywhere at any moment. There is enough damage to my body and results of blood pressure test, etc give credibility to the thinking ... but it is still flawed.
Note: this is NOT whining. Understand what happens here. I never had any idea Klonopin has this kind of destructive power. The reason for writing is I didn't feel there was enough detail in what Stevie Nicks said.
She said it's 'hellish' but maybe if people understood or even had a glimmering of how hellish it gets, they would not screw with this perfectly legal drug.
There wasn't total surprise in this as I knew you do not exceed the prescribed amount of it as otherwise you would easily get accustomed to it and end up grinding up the tablets and stuffing your face with it. That is not what happened. I thought I was inside the rules and I was as far as I knew them. Any doctor who prescribes Klonopin should be held fully accountable for it.
Note: this is not setting up a lawsuit. Even if I did, it would be pointless. A lawyer only needs to read the blog and s/he will have enough to destroy me. It's not reasonable as I only smoke reefer in addition to this Klonopin (plus blood pressure med and better breathing meds) but I would still get nailed to the wall.
For quite a while nothing would work. Nothing went into my body and nothing came out of it. This was not from constipation, it just stopped. I tried to force myself to eat and I couldn't do it. Only now with chicken noodle soup is anything improving. Yevette also got protein drinks to help get this started. I couldn't eat for three days before that.
This is withdrawal and I never got close to addicted to anything else. Believe whatever you like about reefer. I don't consider it addiction when I don't go berserk if it's not around.
The symptoms are racing pulse, dizziness, confusion, and deranged thinking. This takes vastly longer to write than it does you for you to read.
There is pressure from everything. I don't know if I have a headache, high blood pressure, and my head will just fookin' explode ... or none of these things; I can't tell. Note well, I don't exaggerate anything.
They tagged me as FALL RISK when I was at hospital and that hasn't changed much. Walking is perilous and the doctor asked if the room spins but that's not it. My balance gets lost.
Deranged thinking is hugely disturbing but there's nothing for it other than to roll. Reefer is not playing much into this and the only benefit so far is less coughing because I'm smoking far less of anything.
Part of the reason for writing is I don't really get what is happening. The withdrawal complicates the hell out of that as discerning what's real is difficult.
There's extreme sensitivity to audio as any sound can send me into the stratosphere. This is wired like I have never known before. This is even after snorting pure crystal from a Mason jar full of it with a looney back in the Army around '71. That was the first and last time I ever did that.
(Ed: crystal?)
Pure speed. Unknown which specific variety but this guy had to be doing some major dealing to have so much of it. That's the kind of thing you don't ask. This wasn't the stuff you make from allergy pills or whatever. Again, you don't ask how he does it.
When I lie down, I can bring it all down. Pulse settles and after a while I don't have the immediate thought I'm in danger of death. If you've ever done coke, you know how it goes with that stuff as you lie down and your heart is pounding like double-kick drums and you're thinking, man, it was a great party but I really wasn't planning on dying yet. It's the same thing but some Jedi mind stuff can manage it whereas with coke you're in it until it wears off or you die.
At the same time, there's a manic drive to accomplish. Do it now or it will be lost. That's not true as so what if it's lost but the pressure comes.
This is, bar none, the scariest thing I have ever experienced and I've done some seriously scary stuff. Motorcycles, racing karts, skydiving, etc, etc and none of this was simple thrill seeking as I doubt anyone simply 'seeks thrills.' In my view, it's exactly the same as using illegal drugs for the visions. For me, if you won't experience everything, why even show up.
There is no noticeable depression other than the obvious of, well, this sucks. I don't want to die and I don't embrace it. However, any symptoms of risk are exacerbated by the withdrawal from Klonopin and this creates terror. It feels like it could come from anywhere at any moment. There is enough damage to my body and results of blood pressure test, etc give credibility to the thinking ... but it is still flawed.
Note: this is NOT whining. Understand what happens here. I never had any idea Klonopin has this kind of destructive power. The reason for writing is I didn't feel there was enough detail in what Stevie Nicks said.
She said it's 'hellish' but maybe if people understood or even had a glimmering of how hellish it gets, they would not screw with this perfectly legal drug.
3 comments:
I thought you were off that stuff a long time ago?? I took it for a very short time whan I got my C-Pap machine.
You need the rest and fluids. Quiet and dark room--right now is not the time to have a manic drive to accomplish anything other than REST and to beat this thing. Did the doc prescribe Ativan or anything to take the edge off? You could try some breathing exercises--the Zen one--do yoy know about it? Fill your lungs to capacity, hold your breath and blow out slowly through your mouth.
I will call when I get minutes on the phone (two days). I will talk to Yvette--if you are resting , I will not ask to speak to you.
Love, ML
P.S. Did the doc prescribe a "tapering" dose of Klonipin? Of course he did-- ML
Nope. Never happened. It was an open-ended prescription and there was no discussion of what it takes to dry out of it.
It's been off and on with the stuff for more than ten years. There never seemed to be a problem so I wasn't too concerned about it. Big mistake.
You understand perfectly the situation as the only recovery is to back-off. I've known it for a long time and whether anyone chooses to accept that is not my problem to own.
I do hope to talk to you so we'll see.
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