Saturday, April 29, 2017

Jeremy Clarkson Talks About Bad Drivers

"Top Gear" doesn't play anymore but YouTube is loaded with examples of it and this is one of them.  Yeah, yeah, you don't like Clarkson but he has this one dead right:  why do they let dumb asses drive cars.




When people suck at anything else except shooting guns, we usually won't let them do it but you have a right to drive, don't you.

Let's take a look at the video and see if you're any good at it since if you're not then you're an active threat to my life, darlin'.  Your incompetence behind the wheel has cost me years of my life so a smile and a wink won't get you off the hook for doing it again.  Just for the record, it was a man and not a woman who whacked me the worst.  That cost two years of surgery and therapy.

Note:  I regard you as an active threat to my life anyway since I drive frequently on Texas roads and highways and Texans reveal as some of the most incompetent and indecisive I have ever seen, so much so that a pregnancy in Texas lasts ten months instead of nine because they just can't make up their minds about it.

Ed:  will you start licensing babies too now?

We only need the count since America isn't much good at making babies due to the rapidly increasing narcissism.  The country slowly eats itself for the money (shrug).


Meanwhile, there's my current favorite worst driver and he's the one with the remote Ford exhaust note.  A native Ford V8 doesn't have an exhaust note because (drum roll), it doesn't have an exhaust.  There's something Ford does with the exhaust which creates one Indy 500 exhaust note.  You know it's not the same as a Chevy or some other vehicle and you can likely recognize it any time.

However, it's not coming from a Mustang or at least the most abusive aspects are not since those seem to be owned by a beater F-150 but he just have jacked that motor in a big way.  I'll often hear him running hard acceleration through one gear and part of another so he probably only has a crumby three-speed automatic which is kind of wimpy behind such a beast of a motor but so it goes.

He may just be making a lot of noise but it doesn't sound like it and there's a constant amazement he hasn't wrapped it around a tree yet since the ass end of a pickup truck will slide as soon as look at a pretty girl ... or a banana, as the case may be.

I've found Texans are such lousy drivers you can throw a banana at them and it will distract those monkeys so much every single one of them will crash.

Ed:  they're worse than Rhode Island?

Yes.  Those Rhodies know they are doing dangerous things; they just don't give a fuck (e.g. jumping left turns after a red light changes).  Conversely, it doesn't appear these cowboys have any idea.

Ed:  those Rhodies wouldn't last a lap on a real track pulling crap like that!

Nah, but they feel sporty when they do it and, wtf, it's Rhode Island.  How much sport can there possibly be.

Ed:  Killington!

Check yer map, Paul Bunyan.  Killington is in Vermont.  Search for skiing in Rhode Island for the big giggle.

Ed:  I saw today Rhode Island will fit into Alaska forty-five times and Sarah Palin never had it so good.

Promises, promises, Grizzly Boy


However, Yevette has a superlative driving record and I'm not going to detail it to avoid jinxing her but I've never met anyone else who can make the same claim.


Doc was big on building trash cars and I still don't get the concept since the motor needs to be making six or seven hundred horsepower but these trash cars don't look like beaters to make a disguise.  They just don't show external evidence of all the motor modification so I'm more inclined to call such a vehicle a sleeper than trash.

Ed:  but you don't get it

Nope, I don't.  However, that F-150 didn't fit the examples of trash cars I've seen since it's an obvious beater.


Doc gave us some Great Circle of Life examples as well since one of his first hot rods was a '67 GTO which was fire engine red with a black leather interior.  Knowing Doc, the car was probably packing the 389 with the three deuces but he had to sell it off for some reason.

What do you know, the last trash car I saw him building was ... da da ... a '67 GTO and you bet this one makes a whole lot more power than the first one.

Great Circle of Life (fade to black with Lion King music)

Ed:  what music is that?

No idea as I heard it once and that was plenty.  There are so many Disney cartoons now they all look the same.

No comments: