A lung biopsy was declined months ago and that was to determine if an area in my lung is cancer or damage from emphysema. Both are cumulative diseases and you die only cancer is faster.
The reason I declined is I see no gain in surgery if it's cancer and I don't believe there's anything they can do if it's not. I need to see Ms Kersa to talk about the rationale but that's where it stands. The general position is nothing can be done to investigate coughing up blood without proceeding with the biopsy.
The variable is sustaining the quality of life for as long as possible even at the expense of the length of it. Cancer or emphysema are really shitty ways to die and there's no need for details as you know it already. I see zero benefit to taking life which is shitty already and then going into surgery to make it even more so with little to no benefit to come from it.
Assuming nothing else changes, the alternative is ending the game myself but there's no convenient do-it-yourself kit and the biggest concern is Yevette mustn't be blamed for it. Sure as hell they will try even for an old wastrel such as myself. There's nothing the state loves more than vengeance.
Even suggesting something would make you complicit if someone really wants to be an asshole so that's not the question.
It's open if you think I leave anything out and I'm well aware this will hurt people, highly aware, but it will hurt either way and I do believe this with the do-it-yourself kit is better since you will understand it's my decision and the best time for it. I don't for a moment believe any god requires suffering and I'm not willing to do it anyway.
Take it easy on morbidity as I'm the one a'croakin' and my take is this is just taking care of business while my biggest interest is still getting it together to shoot a video with that second-hand tux. I don't feel like I'm kicking out by Christmas and I'm starting to think it's better not to know except insofar as some planning is required so I make my move before I'm yanked into a hospital and can't.
I have not talked with Ms Kersa but I have spoken with her nurse and the appointment at the end of November is acceptable. It would have been better if it happened sooner but it likely won't make much difference now. It's not defeatist but reality.
Maybe you think this is all entirely crazy and go for it if you like to comment but please do justify your work since 'you're a fucking stoner whackjob' probably won't enlighten things much.
Meanwhile, the Buspirone does seem to reduce the ganja - cigarette - Pepsi loop and I don't know why but it doesn't matter. Nicorette is coming into it next in about an hour. The cigarettes are Winston Light and the impact is significantly lower than Marlboro but that doesn't matter much either. They need to be absent regardless of anything else. There's nothing at all defeatist in this but rather it's about making the best of a bad situation. Any other choice sucks bad.
The reason I declined is I see no gain in surgery if it's cancer and I don't believe there's anything they can do if it's not. I need to see Ms Kersa to talk about the rationale but that's where it stands. The general position is nothing can be done to investigate coughing up blood without proceeding with the biopsy.
The variable is sustaining the quality of life for as long as possible even at the expense of the length of it. Cancer or emphysema are really shitty ways to die and there's no need for details as you know it already. I see zero benefit to taking life which is shitty already and then going into surgery to make it even more so with little to no benefit to come from it.
Assuming nothing else changes, the alternative is ending the game myself but there's no convenient do-it-yourself kit and the biggest concern is Yevette mustn't be blamed for it. Sure as hell they will try even for an old wastrel such as myself. There's nothing the state loves more than vengeance.
Even suggesting something would make you complicit if someone really wants to be an asshole so that's not the question.
It's open if you think I leave anything out and I'm well aware this will hurt people, highly aware, but it will hurt either way and I do believe this with the do-it-yourself kit is better since you will understand it's my decision and the best time for it. I don't for a moment believe any god requires suffering and I'm not willing to do it anyway.
Take it easy on morbidity as I'm the one a'croakin' and my take is this is just taking care of business while my biggest interest is still getting it together to shoot a video with that second-hand tux. I don't feel like I'm kicking out by Christmas and I'm starting to think it's better not to know except insofar as some planning is required so I make my move before I'm yanked into a hospital and can't.
I have not talked with Ms Kersa but I have spoken with her nurse and the appointment at the end of November is acceptable. It would have been better if it happened sooner but it likely won't make much difference now. It's not defeatist but reality.
Maybe you think this is all entirely crazy and go for it if you like to comment but please do justify your work since 'you're a fucking stoner whackjob' probably won't enlighten things much.
Meanwhile, the Buspirone does seem to reduce the ganja - cigarette - Pepsi loop and I don't know why but it doesn't matter. Nicorette is coming into it next in about an hour. The cigarettes are Winston Light and the impact is significantly lower than Marlboro but that doesn't matter much either. They need to be absent regardless of anything else. There's nothing at all defeatist in this but rather it's about making the best of a bad situation. Any other choice sucks bad.
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