That was always the way of the Court but my own spinning is just to make things seem better than they really are for my own circumstance. That hasn't served you all well as how do you know what's happening. I haven't felt it would make much more of a story gallivanting about Europe if I were also spilling a lot of symptoms. When I dropped the scooter on myself, some symptoms were necessary. Apart from that, not so much.
Things came to a fast halt on getting back here as I figured I was pretty screwed or there was no way I would have given up Greece for Scotland. I didn't think when I got to Fort Worth that things would start falling apart as they did.
The biggest loss in Greece was that Lotho didn't get to see it as that would have been coolness with words that haven't even been invented yet.
There's this underplayed situation in which those who know me better knew there were troubles but there wasn't much anyone else would make of it. So now it's tough to tell if this is some grandstand play for the sake of Internet melodrama.
It's not. I have no idea how long this will last but I do know it won't. There's no possible way it can as I'm completely out of breath just walking to the car. Arrhythmia is much more erratic than it ever was and my stomach is nothing more than a WMD. How it all lasted this long is a fookin' miracle (laughs).
I do need help but I'm very reluctant to ask for at least a million reasons, not the least of which is not at all feeling like I deserve it. I've felt like a useless piece of shit all my life and I suspect quite a number of other people do as well. I have no idea what did it and really it doesn't even interest me. I've done various things to convince myself and others that I'm not a useless piece of shit. I have varying success with others but not thus far with myself.
The only times I do not feel like a useless piece of shit are in talking with Cat and when I play. It's not that, oh, Cat understands me and no-one else does but rather Cat understands just about everything. She is an incredibly bright woman. If you doubt me, just try and keep up. Oh yes, do keep in mind: she's talking in a second language.
Maybe it's like when Kurt Vonnegut said, "I'm beautiful when I'm swimming."
So what that tells you about anything you can do to help, I don't know. I deliberately did not put the Donate boxes back up. Sometime I feel like this keeps things pure and sometimes I feel like I'm just being an asshole. I'll think about it some more as the latter is not my purpose.
Things came to a fast halt on getting back here as I figured I was pretty screwed or there was no way I would have given up Greece for Scotland. I didn't think when I got to Fort Worth that things would start falling apart as they did.
The biggest loss in Greece was that Lotho didn't get to see it as that would have been coolness with words that haven't even been invented yet.
There's this underplayed situation in which those who know me better knew there were troubles but there wasn't much anyone else would make of it. So now it's tough to tell if this is some grandstand play for the sake of Internet melodrama.
It's not. I have no idea how long this will last but I do know it won't. There's no possible way it can as I'm completely out of breath just walking to the car. Arrhythmia is much more erratic than it ever was and my stomach is nothing more than a WMD. How it all lasted this long is a fookin' miracle (laughs).
I do need help but I'm very reluctant to ask for at least a million reasons, not the least of which is not at all feeling like I deserve it. I've felt like a useless piece of shit all my life and I suspect quite a number of other people do as well. I have no idea what did it and really it doesn't even interest me. I've done various things to convince myself and others that I'm not a useless piece of shit. I have varying success with others but not thus far with myself.
The only times I do not feel like a useless piece of shit are in talking with Cat and when I play. It's not that, oh, Cat understands me and no-one else does but rather Cat understands just about everything. She is an incredibly bright woman. If you doubt me, just try and keep up. Oh yes, do keep in mind: she's talking in a second language.
Maybe it's like when Kurt Vonnegut said, "I'm beautiful when I'm swimming."
So what that tells you about anything you can do to help, I don't know. I deliberately did not put the Donate boxes back up. Sometime I feel like this keeps things pure and sometimes I feel like I'm just being an asshole. I'll think about it some more as the latter is not my purpose.
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