There was never a show in my life that I halted after it started unless there were mechanical failures that made it impossible to continue. I was to play yesterday for Zaphod and Ichi in BluesFabrick in Metropolis but only lasted about fifteen minutes before there was no possible way to go forward.
Paul Delph is one of my musical heroes as it was such an enormous inspiration when he played a kick-ass gig at the Pickle Barrel and he died from AIDS not long after. He is, far and away, the bravest guy I ever knew. I don't feel terribly guilty about failing him but there was no physical chance of it. Review Paul's performance of "Eternity's Spin" (written by Jimmy Spheeris) and you can find it on Amazon or the Paul Delph Memorial Gallery.
I've been puking for a couple of days. There was no heroin involved, that was only once. The purpose was to understand the drug not to explore addiction. Anything I eat comes back up and there's nothing in me at all. Blood pressure spikes and things get unpleasant.
This is the tune that nailed me. It's one called "Mayhem" from some years ago and it hammers fairly hard. This recording is not the one from the show. I'll try to get that online tomorrow. The tune does use a back track but it's me playing all the parts along with Vicki Nilsson on thunder drums.
I was already seriously wobbling but tried to do "Necromancer" and even survived that one but that's when things got a bit difficult. I don't know if I'll upload it as I don't think I want to know what the microphone heard.
The situation is unusual and I improvise my way along. I was the oldest so no-one helped me with anything but that's how it always goes with the oldest. What I got out of that was being really good at solving problems when I didn't know all the pieces. That is a very high-value ability in systems programming. (Don't read that as any harsher than it needs to be as it's just the nature of being the oldest kid.)
(Ed: death is like systems programming?)
I'm crazy but I'm not that far gone. To some extent, systems programming is a living death but I couldn't be bothered with that discussion anymore.
I don't talk to anyone as I can't face that conversation. I don't expect support from anywhere and I don't know what to say to anyone. I know all I could think to say when I couldn't handle the show was to tell them I'm sorry. It's the same now as I'm sorry for dying on you. It's easier for me than you as I haven't forgotten the big crash on I-71 when Lotho saw me go down at about 100 mph and bounced for a quarter of a mile. It sucked for me because it hurt but he thought I was dead. He came the wrong direction at full-speed back down the fast lane as he saw me get up in his rear-view and thought I would wander into traffic and get run over.
Whether Paul Delph or Lotho has the biggest balls ever, I don't know for sure. I think they will have to talk to each other to decide.
It's been kind of bugging me that there is a perception of hatefulness in me but I really don't hate anyone. There are people I find infinitely annoying (i.e. anyone who tries to push me around) but I really don't hate anyone.
The slashing of Bibi is to keep her far, far away from me. This is not lost misguided love or anything of that nature, she's simply too dangerous for human company and she remains the Fox News of Romance.
As to my family, I won't turn anyone away but I don't think it is a very good idea to come. For your own peace of mind, I suggest you figure out what you want to do as what comes from doing nothing is hating me and yourself until you croak. I can't help with that but I can tell you there is no hammering waiting for anyone ... except Bibi.
Here's full exclusion list:
Leon Rosenberg of Liberty Mutual Insurance - He cut off my medical because he didn't believe the surgery didn't fix my stomach. See above about the puking. This shit never stopped. All medical coverage was dropped about 2-3 weeks after my shoulder was replaced and there was a year of therapy coming up to fix it. Because of him, the therapy never happened.
I found Rosenberg and I was going to destroy him but part of the investigation was that he has two kids. Destroying him would be ok but not his kids.
There's not much left now, Leon. Enjoy your victory, you savage, heartless fuck.
Charles Beale of American Bankers Insurance Company - Ripped me off for about $10K when he denied a claim regarding stolen musical equipment. This one should definitely die by Thursday. There was some satisfaction with this one as the pussy was so terrified he got a restraining order against me. It's a bitch when you're the punchline for a joke and don't even know it.
Whomever ripped the ten grand in Cincinnati - that was pretty sweet too. Whomever did it ... fuck off. Don't come.
Whomever stole my gear in Dallas - I don't know who did that either but hopefully their penises fell off.
And that's just the last five years (laughs).
Paul Delph is one of my musical heroes as it was such an enormous inspiration when he played a kick-ass gig at the Pickle Barrel and he died from AIDS not long after. He is, far and away, the bravest guy I ever knew. I don't feel terribly guilty about failing him but there was no physical chance of it. Review Paul's performance of "Eternity's Spin" (written by Jimmy Spheeris) and you can find it on Amazon or the Paul Delph Memorial Gallery.
I've been puking for a couple of days. There was no heroin involved, that was only once. The purpose was to understand the drug not to explore addiction. Anything I eat comes back up and there's nothing in me at all. Blood pressure spikes and things get unpleasant.
This is the tune that nailed me. It's one called "Mayhem" from some years ago and it hammers fairly hard. This recording is not the one from the show. I'll try to get that online tomorrow. The tune does use a back track but it's me playing all the parts along with Vicki Nilsson on thunder drums.
I was already seriously wobbling but tried to do "Necromancer" and even survived that one but that's when things got a bit difficult. I don't know if I'll upload it as I don't think I want to know what the microphone heard.
The situation is unusual and I improvise my way along. I was the oldest so no-one helped me with anything but that's how it always goes with the oldest. What I got out of that was being really good at solving problems when I didn't know all the pieces. That is a very high-value ability in systems programming. (Don't read that as any harsher than it needs to be as it's just the nature of being the oldest kid.)
(Ed: death is like systems programming?)
I'm crazy but I'm not that far gone. To some extent, systems programming is a living death but I couldn't be bothered with that discussion anymore.
I don't talk to anyone as I can't face that conversation. I don't expect support from anywhere and I don't know what to say to anyone. I know all I could think to say when I couldn't handle the show was to tell them I'm sorry. It's the same now as I'm sorry for dying on you. It's easier for me than you as I haven't forgotten the big crash on I-71 when Lotho saw me go down at about 100 mph and bounced for a quarter of a mile. It sucked for me because it hurt but he thought I was dead. He came the wrong direction at full-speed back down the fast lane as he saw me get up in his rear-view and thought I would wander into traffic and get run over.
Whether Paul Delph or Lotho has the biggest balls ever, I don't know for sure. I think they will have to talk to each other to decide.
It's been kind of bugging me that there is a perception of hatefulness in me but I really don't hate anyone. There are people I find infinitely annoying (i.e. anyone who tries to push me around) but I really don't hate anyone.
The slashing of Bibi is to keep her far, far away from me. This is not lost misguided love or anything of that nature, she's simply too dangerous for human company and she remains the Fox News of Romance.
As to my family, I won't turn anyone away but I don't think it is a very good idea to come. For your own peace of mind, I suggest you figure out what you want to do as what comes from doing nothing is hating me and yourself until you croak. I can't help with that but I can tell you there is no hammering waiting for anyone ... except Bibi.
Here's full exclusion list:
Leon Rosenberg of Liberty Mutual Insurance - He cut off my medical because he didn't believe the surgery didn't fix my stomach. See above about the puking. This shit never stopped. All medical coverage was dropped about 2-3 weeks after my shoulder was replaced and there was a year of therapy coming up to fix it. Because of him, the therapy never happened.
I found Rosenberg and I was going to destroy him but part of the investigation was that he has two kids. Destroying him would be ok but not his kids.
There's not much left now, Leon. Enjoy your victory, you savage, heartless fuck.
Charles Beale of American Bankers Insurance Company - Ripped me off for about $10K when he denied a claim regarding stolen musical equipment. This one should definitely die by Thursday. There was some satisfaction with this one as the pussy was so terrified he got a restraining order against me. It's a bitch when you're the punchline for a joke and don't even know it.
Whomever ripped the ten grand in Cincinnati - that was pretty sweet too. Whomever did it ... fuck off. Don't come.
Whomever stole my gear in Dallas - I don't know who did that either but hopefully their penises fell off.
And that's just the last five years (laughs).
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