Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Behold die Kaninchen

Die Kaninchen is German for the rabbits but it sounds much cooler auf Deutsch.  It was resolved previously that Ithaka regulars are the Kaninchen and all are within the fifth-to-tenth percentiles of the smartest mofos in all the land.  Of course it's obviously true, yes?

We're the Betas and we can can cheerfully criticize all the things the Alphas do because they're too smart for their own good.  Everybody knows this as I'm sure die Kaninchen will agree.


We can still do smart things and the Alphas will ignore it but, wtf, most of the time we ignore them.  We can amuse ourselves with it and we're fairly good at that.  All in all, we're a shitload more fun than Alphas.  They have to concern themselves with doing the right thing but we will do anything if it sounds cool and draws an audience.


There's one problem for Betas.  No matter what the topic, we're outvoted.  It's a bell curve and there aren't enough Betas to swing much of anything.  Those fucking Gammas are the problem and you can convince those idiots that howler monkeys can sing an opera.  So, take it easy, we're going to get outvoted no matter what the contest.

(Ed:  are you getting back to the Jeeps with machine guns?)

Patience, my good man.

(Ed:  I'm not your good man!)

Of course not, you're an American, but do try acting like it and don't take any orders from assholes with armbands.

(Ed:  fuck you!)

There you go.  That's the spirit.


The Alphas get away with staying Alphas because they learned how to play the Gammas using devious means beyond our Beta control.  We can see their success with the Election which looks much like a political exercise in synchronized swimming.  The Gammas have been played by the most tone deaf Alphas ever to walk the stage but they're really, really good with grease.

The fundamental problem is Betas are (sob) functionally extinct.  Unless you have more than 2.1 progeny, you are extinct, Dagwood.  With die Kaninchen, I know of two who are in the non-extinct category.  As to the rest of us, well, we're protoplasmic vapor of little or no consequence to the evolution of the species.  Within my own family, only three made the cut for non-extinct so we copped it on a pass/fail system.


(Ed:  what about the Jeeps and machine guns?)

What about them?

(Ed:  what are you going to fucking do with them?)

Don't be getting eristical with me, Sergeant Saunders, as I already told you they were for the operation.

(Ed:  so what will that operation do?)

It was to rescue Rapunzel.

(Ed:  that's the CIA answer, isn't it?)

Yes.  Kissinger told me if I said anything else he would have me killed.  You know he can do it.

(Ed:  tell you what, Secret Sam.  If you had some hypothetical Jeeps with machine guns and could hypothetically send them anywhere you want, where the fuck would you send them?)

I wouldn't send them anywhere because the operation is suspended.

(Ed:  Kissinger doesn't have to murder you.  I will do it.)

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