Sunday, September 13, 2015

Ensuring Idiots Keep Their Guns - Onalaska, WI, Edition

So Rambo (i.e. Vaughn Rothering) and his over-muscled and under-brained friend are sitting about on the porch.  We don't know if the Rambos were drunk but they're so stupid alcohol doesn't affect them much.  Rambo 1 has his 9mm weapon and to prove the infinite power and technical complexity of his penis, he has had a laser sight added as a custom modification.  Unknown if the laser sight was added to the weapon or his penis but we're sure the latter is not in any way a weapon, that's why he got the gun in the first place.


Vaughn Rothering with the light of genius afire in his eyes and only waiting for the moment when the Nobel Prize Committee for Science gives him a call to tell him he has won.


Now, if you're drunk, stupid and have a 9mm handgun with a laser at your disposal, what's your first thought.  If you came up with let's screw with the cats, then come on up to Onalaska, Wisconsin, as you will feel right at home.  We're quite sure you have already predicted what happened next.  (La Crosse Tribune:  Man who shot roommate while teasing cat with laser sight fined $50)


Perhaps you think the fifty-dollar fine is the punchline but noooo.   It gets much better.

In pleading for the righteousness of this barking mad emotional butterball, the judge was advised the felony charge in this case should be expunged from his record or he will never be able to own another gun.  Those who spoke for him neglected to mention, Vaughn Rothering lacks the judgment of even a Campfire Girl when she makes S'mores out of marshmallows with her friends around the fire.

The law is specifically intended to keep irresponsible emotional butterballs from having weapons and this emotional butterball has demonstrated that irresponsibility but it would be absurdly punitive to punish him so harshly he can't just reload the weapon and do it again.

Of course the judge agreed with the wisdom of this thinking.  After all, he is in Wisconsin where the heftiest discussion they can ever manage is usually about cheese.

Fifty dollars and costs.  Case dismissed.


As a result, Vaughn Rothering will keep his guns and judge, oh, judge.  There's just one thing.


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